still Smiling

soon i'll be off to malaysia..tsih ern's house for ex-class gathering with the hwa chong pple!!! heh damn excited..it was damn fun the previous gathering in june..

also..i actually did my bio tutorial!!! yes..n the thing to be damn proud is..i actually touched the essay question!!! haha lazy me always leaves the essay question till the teacher bugs me..n i'll take one day to do one question..haha anywae i stop doing le..must go practise piano..

and my very good fren is in a dilema. too bad she's so presentable and so gorgeous and so perfect that she's given a chance to even furthur beautify herself and show herself to the world..but hmm..she dunno whether to do it or not..i seriously dunno how to help..money of cos cannot..everyone knows i'm broke the whole year..advices? all i can say is that..the chance is quite rare..n since yu're so qualified..try to get ur mum's support..seriously it's quite fun..i'm so interested in the job..not exactly the money..but not qualified..so give it a try..yu'll become really famous man..haha..k think too far ah..

k bye!!!

Happifying

I'm very happy today..heh dunno why..although i'm seriously extremely tired n can fall asleep immediately..still..i'm smiling..let's see..i've nver woke up so early before..9 am?? hmm anywae to the doctor's i went..mt elizabeth was quite crowded..visited him again n he decided to give me a job on my leg..i was very brave k..haha still watch the needle being shifted here n there..haha i like my orthopaedic surgeon a lot..very nice guy..n yeap 45 bucks only for injection..he does charity..doesn't charge me consultation fees..heh

anyway after that was shopping from 12.30 to 6..wahhh shopping with jamie for so mother long is disgusting..from wisma to taka n back to wisma and up and down..shop in shop out..pick clothes try clothes dump clothes..then to far east then scotts and far east then metro..then back to wisma..waaahhh..makign my leg muscles horribly big..my sister was commenting..haha seriously..damn tiring..especially in heels..i pei4 fu2 jonathan man..

after that..6.15 pm at ps..met baoxin, baorong, ness n jannen, huiping n yh..betty, mich..for betty's birthday dinner!! ate..talked..although not that close n not much girl talk cos tables were very far and pple at one end canot hear the other at the other end..but fine la i guess..after makan..had a surprise birthday song for betty when she came back from the ladies..blew the firehouse n feast on icecream!!! then was photo-taking n bye bye to swensens..

haha heading for the mrt station..getting ready to head for home..betty jamie bx br mich n i suddenly stop at the ps bus stop and started talking..clearing misunderstandings and i felt that it was a good talk la..nvm..of cos with jamie making lame comments once in a while..i'm very glad betty and mich are fine..so happy~

lastly i met tian on my way home..before he's off to camp..i was so happy to see him..just kept smiling when i was with him for the short 10 mins or so..i'm on cloud 9~ he always look so good to me..haiz~ i think i'm lucky..

ok..back home..gosh do yu know what i received???? a parcel from dunno where!!! this brown envelope that feels soft..wah i was so excited yu know..when i opened it i screamed man..my dad n sisters were all with me..heh it was a blue t-shirt with a michigan word on it..heh when i saw it i knew it was from tony..gosh!!! it's damn damn sweet of him yu know..n there was also a badge with michigan on it..heh of cos..without fail..tony sends me a christmas card every year since sec 1 or 2..do yu know i;m really really touched..he still remembers me..on my birthday..he called to wish me happy birthday too..sometimes i feel very guilty..he's really very nice to me..but i'm not as sweet to him..sheesh i better go reflect on my actions..heh despite what pple may think of him..he's really quite a nice person..seriously..thanks tony!!! thanks for remembering me!!

sometimes i love myself..sometimes i don't..tian wants a girlfren who is full of confidence..whenever i have inferiority complex..he hates it.sorry k..i'll try to love myself..sometimes i love myself a lot..like now..when i feel very lucky.. =)

happy birthday betty~!

yes your highness..it's your special day n thanks for inviting us to your birthday dinner/./..n the treat~..n yu still gotta rush down to boon lay..gosh yu're unbelieveably faithful to the committee..really..i guess yu're enjoying yourself that's why..n also that that's your community~!! heh ok lame

yu dunno how good my mood is today..after hearing betty's good news..heh i carn stop smiling in relief and erm..happy that my dad's in good mood and also happy that tian came all the here to see me haha

ok my sister is dancing away beside me to the love actually soundtrack and i discovered a guy who uses her picture for msn chat!@!!n that guy removed my face!! nvm..

aniwae i got to use a masque today too..heh that's the hot thing now..anywae i carn really tell the effect on my face yet..hope it's really useful..quite costly lo..sheesh..thanks dad..

k tml's a day of shopping with jamie then betty's dinner..yay~ =) i love my girlfriends..

ok very good..i did the wrong thing again..but i do not blog with the aim of publicising my private life..

listening to the love actually soundtrack from tian as a christmas present..i still carn believe he got it for me..i remembered how happy i was that christmas nite..just walking down the streets watching the lights..even if it's just for an hour..

sorry.. sigh why why why

gathering..

Finally..the gathering i missed dearly took place ..huiping..baorong..michelle..jamie..me..vanessa and betty..stupid baoxin..yu really missed it..it'll be very different from the gatheing on the 29th..sigh..n for all the effort tian and i put in..yu actually din turn up..upset me k..

anywae everything was well..enough food..good bbq..kind vanessa and jannen helped tian n i to clean the place up..thank yu so so much..yu girls dunno how much i treasure this short gathering..to see vanessa again..n like all of us spend time tog..although never girl-talk much but i guess had a little fun huh.. oh n i was glad i created chance for br adn yh to spend time tog..to let them relax after a long day of council work..heh hope they enjoyed themselves..

i wanna thank everyone who came today..to finish up the food..n help me make everyone happy in one way or another..no matter how weird the presents are..heh it's a surprise la hor..jamie thanks for the chain!!! heh and jamie n mich hope yu liked your little presents.. i especially wanna thank him for making all this possible..just for me..for the location..for driving me up and down..getting everything in place for me..yu dunno how much i appreciated what yu did for me today..thank yu so so much..seriously the sacrifices yu make for me..no other guy will ever do that for me i guess..hope yu like the cd..love yu..

oh ya..to all the guys there today..see how close we are..n how happy we are tog..yu know photo-taking n stuff..hope yu all enjoyed yourselves too and feel happy for yur girlfrens!!! heh thanks so much for coming!!!

Merry Merry Christmas earthlings..faries..and dear lord!!!!!! joy to the world..blessings to all my frens..thanks for loving me and supporting me..n not forgetting me this little girl living in a small part of mother earth..Merry Christmas!!!!

this week is a very hectic week..non-stop ever since i came back from malaysia on momday..monday shopping n met tian..tuesday-hectic last min stopping and gathering cum stayover at dawn's place..wednesday..that is today-my fav lord of the rings and hang out at tian's place!!! wahhh..wait..let me breathe..ok..tml will be one good rest day to spend with my family..but i think i'll be busy watching love storm..sheesh..it's xmas!! k i need discipline..this addiction is harmful..but but but
i love love storm!!!
i wanna be vivian hsu in the show..pretty..good character..so determined n capable..damn good frens..cheerful..n get to hug vic chou!!! haha..let's go - waahhhhhhhh

back to the festive season..i wanna thank once again..all my frens who actually remembers me n waste their money on me by messaging me..ok i know it's lame..but these messages - like during new year..christmas..v day and bday..everytime when someone messages me and i realise he/she remembers me and actually thot of me..i get damn touched..cos seriously,.i think friendships are really precious..regardless of who they are..regardless of the age of the relationship..to all those that messaged me once again this nite..thanks for being my fren..sarah..celene..chris pong..alex..jen..auntie iris..dawn amanda soon joseph..den3 den3 n sheesh some numbers i dun have them stored in my phone..so i dunno who they are..anywae god bless all yu angels!!!

hi..sad for yu pple..I'M BACK~!!! ok..lame

had thoughts running through my head on the coach back to singapore..many..but dun feel like typing out now..i'm just sad to return to singapore..to think that i need to retake my SATS..to think that i need to start doing tutorials..(sheesh damn lazy to do bio!!)..to think that i need to start caring about my blackheads and fats..

i told my mum..on the way back..that i wouldn't mind migrating to sitiawan (her hometown in malaysia..this small laid-back town) or another country..cos in singapore..i feel that my life's sucked away from me..but there..i'm just letting go of my life..n living it day by day..slowly..

life there..yu wake up at 12..go have breakfast cum lunch at the coffeeshop behind..nice claypot noodles..then return home..play with brother..play monopoly with sisters..n just sit on the sofa and slack. when yu get sick of slacking, yu'll go upstairs for a nap..n then wake up in the evening - when it's time for dinner. yu'll be driven to this restaurant at some far away..ulu place..where the hygiene is bad..worst..disgustingly poor. but once yu tuck in..yu'll say shit..the food is good man. every evening we'll have seafood..for two nights in a row we had crabs..it's damn good..n the fish..heavenly..

i once told my mum..again..that man pple have no life here..practically living their life step by step..waiting to die..they have no goals in life!!!. i take back what i said..their goal is to enjoy life..not like us singaporeans..torturing ourselves for the better tomorrow..but our future - in the end - may not be better than theirs..

i wanna go out soon..oh ya i need to do sth about my blackheads which have grown so gigantic..haha facial? hmm..n dawn and jamie's wishlist is so suggestive..practically hinting out loud..i where got money!!! sheesh

2nd day in Malaysia
A day in Malaysia passes very slowly..it's seems much longer than any other day in Singapore..yea that's for me..cos back in the garden city..life's very routine..it's just go out..then back for dinner..then tv..then piano..n read..then sleep..yea..i could never stay up till 12..but in Malaysia.. it's almost one already..i just got back to my cousin's place not long ago..went for dinner and visiting..all my relatives came together and the aunties and uncles engagd in majong..pple like me got no share in that..sad man..only watch tv..sheesh..

Went sunway pyramid shopping this afternoon..after waking up at 11+..erm..practically walked the whole gigantic shopping centre..went in to selfridge and topshop to try outrageous colthes like what dawn and jamie did..haha i love that tube dress at topshop!! anyway din but much..i only bought a lilac mango basic t shirt..bought a top for my mum and maid..n that's it..wahh..sad case..well..din really have much time to shop..cos..we have to watch a show at 4.45..tsk tsk..yu wun believe what show we caught..spy kids..2 or 3 i dunno..dun even care.gosh of cos i din choose the show to wacth..it's a totally lame n dumb n money-wasting and arghhh..nvm..it's only worth one popcorn..yes..for the effort to create 3-d effects..i lost count of how many times i told my sis how unbelieveably lame the show is during the short duration..i was disgusted..n the 3-d glasses gives yu headache..yes..i should have stop them n suggest watching haunted mansion..saw the making of it today..damn cool..

ok i'm off for my beauty sleep~ tian i miss yu too..

In malaysia already..over at cousin's house..3.40 am..what am i doing awake? it's so bad for the dormant volcanos (volcanoes?) on my forehead..anywae they're horribly red..shit i look so bad..anywae i was just wondering..how's everyone's holidays coming along? mine's very friutful n passing very fast..i know of others whose holidays are mainly training..yes the badminton pple..i admire them k..so hardworking n strict in their trainings..that's the way man.

ok i'm going to bed..i miss my home..

i forgot one thing..
Welcome back vanessa~!!!! is jannen back too? anywae must must have a christmas gathering when i get back k..oh..tian's place not available on 23rd..jamie..pls discuss with the girls n make arrangements..cya babes..yu'll be missed..lots =)

bye bye
announcement!! jessica lee wei ting will be gone from today 4 pm till 22 dec 5 am..off to the kampong malaysia on family business..yes..visiting relatives..gosh realise i haven been blogging..aniwae tian came all the way to my place to see me off..really touched by that..i was so happy seeing him play with my darling brother..there's a lot of chemistry between them heh..

aniwae last nite i reached home 12 plus after a long fine dinner at Le Amis..shaw centre..with tian's family..food's by the top chef in singapore and the region..justin quek..actually i was feeling very awkward..that place is like for the upper class pple..one dish is 200+..tsk..it's a 6 course dinner but the dinner took 4 hours..small little portion of some duck with a name i dunno how to spell..flown in from france i think..let's just say everything is not from singapore..even the white chocolate and ice cream tastes so fantastically different..but good stuff..seriously..while eating..i finally understand why tian's dad gotta work so hard..even does surgeries on sundays..haha to support his family..he simply gives them the best..sigh..but i think it spoils th boys and girl..oh well..

i must work hard to earn a lot of money..then one fine day i'll bring my family there for a feast..haha..but that chef will be gone..i think/..dunno..nvm..

i wonder wht i'm gonna do in malaysia..oh ya..ok if michelle or jamie sees this..girls..michelle..yu're in charge now of coordinating training k..must msg everyone n coach n mrs lim..for numbers..ask david or baorong..must train 2 4 6 k..dun slack..pls we've slack a lot past week..quite sad..

wun see the girls and tian for a week..it's gonna be pure torture..summore go kampong to stay with the mosquitoes and chicken..haha nvm..happy holidays pple~!

oh oh..know what..i'm addicted to LOVE STORM!!!
not a bimbo, pink and girly show anymore..it's so sweet n romantic show which teaches you to cherish your relationship!!! i like vivian hsu a lot..she's so pretty..great hair great dressing..n very sincere person..n the four of them are such good frens..although one may fight with another over guys..but in the end they together help one another, n console whenever any of them is down..tsk zai zai still looks good heh carn wait for the next episode next week..

it's raining..

let's not talk about sats..i dun think it's of any importance..i know my english carn make it..no matter how i try to memorise the meanings and spent long days with my dictionary..they just dun get into my head..somehow i think my brain is one fifth the size of tseyang's..or even smaller..sad case..

i was reading dawn's blog..we've got much less close ever since secondary school..i wonder what she thinks of me now..some freak who only cares about mugging maybe..i dunno..n since i dun talk to her much now..i only learn more about how she is through her blog..n i especially like entires that really reveal what she truely feels about her life..like the recent one about how she has little determination.. such entries make me learn more about her and at the same time made me reflect about myself..my life..

dawn does not have determination to give up stuff to concerntrate on her priorities..me? i do not have the determination to pursue what i really like..using excuses like "i dun have time", "i dun have the talent"..sigh..only now i realise how boring my life really is..i know studies are really important..that's why i never stop workign hard..but this results in my life only revolving aroung books, tian, orchard, piano, erm squash and the girls..yea.. i am totally deprived..always saying that i want and am going to pursue dance all over again..then i'll tell myself i dun have the time..wad shit is that..n like when i'm really fat like now..i tell myself i need to go running..i can never make myself step out of the house..yes i'm that lazy..i'm that useless..unlike tracy, sarah, jin yi..sigh

also, i've never REALLY been overseas before..what kind of life am i living man..there're so many beautiful things out there for me to see..italy..japan..gosh i know there're beautiful places yet cos of my parents i am deprived..it's so unfair..but on the other hand..maybe i never work had enough to make them give in to my pleas..sigh..but my parents..i give up on them..mum finds it very troublesome n mafan to go orchard..go overseas..haha dun even think about it..n theyt dun let me go overseas with frens..then go with who yu tell me..sometimes they should sit down n reflect on their actions..

i know i have to quit complaining..sorry

She's crazy

yea..i think jessca lee has gone crazy..she ingested a chocolate peanut eclair today..yesterday had think creamy chocolate cake..the day before had chocolate cheese cake..ok she's really insane..
goodbye

happy december pple~!

ok jessica's gonna be out of blogging action again till after SATS maybe..
really no time..spending whole day at gleneagles..training..shopping and movies on weekends..last saturday had class party..a lot a lot to say but time matters..come home still hafta mug and practise piano and of cos have my daily dose of television..tsk..now blogging in between commercials..

let me tell yu what i observed today at gleneagles..i was at Dr Seah's plastic surgery association and observed surgeries on eye bags and double eyelids..gosh jamie has to see this..heh it's cool..learning how eye bags come about and see how he used that instrument that preduces heat to remove chunks of fats from the eye bags..i definitely need to go for this surgery..but tell yu it's damn uncomfortable n may hurt quite a bit cos of the heat..
the girl who went for double eyelids was perhaps a year or two older than me i think..sighhh..she doesn't look vain at all..tsk anywae it involves making slits on your eye lids and removing some muscle (long name..of cos i carn remember..) and then stiching the skin to the muscle and closing it up again..so what does that mean?? for one week or so..yu'll have the damn horrible scar..of cos it'll go off but...wadeva la..anywae it was horrible to watch n after one eye was done, i was feeling nausea n had to excuse myself..damn lousy..i wanna go back a few more times to make myself immune to these surgeries..n the next thing i wanna watch..haha some lung or brain surgery..if i faint..haha that'll be amusing..n real embarassing..

i carn train tomorrow..sigh my knee has some internal injury that stupid me dunno how to describe to the therapist..dunno how..just depending on resting now..sorry guys..carn share the pain of court sprints with yu all tomorrow..but i'll resume training on thursday definitely..i hope i'll be fine..it sucks not being able to exercise three times a week..can feel yurself just getting fat..especially after 9 sticks of satays and 5 chicken wings and drums and cakes after that fantastic 3Gget-together at tse yang's..

ok..i'm gonna watch ARE YU HOT and FRIENDS now..happy holidays guys~! dun worry about SATS la..holidays are when yu do what yu always wanted to do..for me..it's sleep~!! anywae i miss everyone..ohhh jamie just told me dawn got food and other goodies back from japan for us..thanks babe~!! hope she enjoyed herself..

slumber party at michelle's last nite..terrible horrible..jamie and betty din let mich n i sleep..haha we were struggling to stay awake at 3 after a long day..well..the party was an impromptu one n suddenly at 10 we decided to sleep over..ok long story abt the hotel room..but nvm..we stayed over at michelle's..n had a happening nite of vcds and cards..bridge and bridge and dai di..over and over again..with girl talk n toilet trips..haha nvm.. oh ya..no facials and mass manicure and pedicures..well..let's just say we're not really that sort of sisters..haha aniwae mich betty and i finally slept at 5.20 am this morning..n jamie jamie..she was the one who dun allow us to sleep at first..in the end she's the one who crumbled into bed first..horrible woman..aniwae virgin suicides is a very good show..cool and a bit haunting..the life and death of the girls are scary..5 beautiful girls with two strict and crazy parents..who screwed their lives and yea..one by one they killed themselves..the ending was very scary and unexpected..oh well..i loved the show..

ok girls..i'm down with flu now..feeling quite horrible..think it's the lack of sleep n..i dunno..but nvm..last nite was great..think we last did sth like that was sec 4? 3? long ago..haiz the feeling of girl bonding is so nice..haha..well..the night past real fast..

ok..cannot take it..really need to rest my eyes and my very sore nose..good nite angels~

RGS ROCKS!!!

ok..i'll be frank..i've never felt so strongly abt rgs till today..i mean recently..after that sad article by chua mui hoong..who in my opinion..is an rgs girl gone wrong..like yu know..a different species..sad case..wait..or did Life! editors just make her write sth like that to breate news and attract readers? but even if tt's the case..n she actually listened to the editor..then she's still an rgs girl gone wrong..

it's only after coming to rjc that i began to appreciate what rgs provided for us..technical workshop..yes of cos..i enjoyed it so much..making those beautiful plastic containers and letter holder which still sits on my desk today..n not only that..we had dance lessons..cookery..sewing..yes..hello. outdated old women out there..this is what rgs provides okay..haha girls..remember the fantastic cookies we baked and some pies and chicken rice..n sewed toilet paper holder..and dance!!! cha cha remember?..n we never fail to forget the moves..gosh i miss rgs..it's never all about academics..never never..i remember more celebrations..pe lessons..other classes like speech and drama and philosophy lessons..haha damn farney..we had to clean the floor..heh nvm..

n we lack patience, kindness, domestic skills and FEMININITY?!!!!!! artistically and emotionally under-developed??? haha dearest mui hoong..i think yu're the one huh..why describe yurself to the whole nation? i'm not like that..n most of my batch mates are NOT like that..if we're not patient..we wouldn't have been able to sit through certain rj's lectures n strain our ears n put up with poor english..if we weren't kind..we wun help our peers..we wun engage in cip projects..we wun care for the elders and pregnant ladies!! ..(i give up my seat to them..not everyone does..but at least some do)..domestic skills..?? wanna know a few girls who can cook damn well??? n housework is chicken feet..it's just whether we have to do it or whether we choose to do it..n feminity..haha better go do some research before yu say anything..let's just say most girls from girls' schools are not feminine in their uniform..haha ok other than ny and sc girls ah..but outside..when we're all dressed up..we know how to behave..cos..hello girls know how to behave ok..the decorum is like understood..(by most girls)..n why we're less feminine with our peers, especially in school..well..i dunno..cos we're all the same sex? erm..we feel comfortable to express ourselves in another way..uh huh..varieties make life more interesting..haha ok i think i'm crapping..

go check out friday's Life! rgs class of 1984-1987..very well-written..by who?? rgs girls of cos..oh ya..the thing about being more marriageable? haha mui hoong..yu're the few who's unmarried huh??? hello..everyone else's happily married wad!!! emma yong..claire chiang..n other women..i know i'm gonna get married somehow..haha why? think yu're too smart for guys issit?? n i'm sorry..i think the trademark of rgs girls is individuality and independence..i dunno how to elaborate..but i simply see it in myself..n in my frens..(my expression is sad case..i know..i'm just an rgs girl who's not good at writing)

anywae for parents and other girls who think like chua mui hoong..dun come to..or dun send my child to rgs..no problem..it's definitely not a loss to rgs..rgs will be do very well n continue shinning as a top girls' school without yu.. just tt i pity yu..go reflect carefully and stop being trapped in your old days..rather..seriously learn more about rgs girls and what exactly rgs is all about before passing your judgement on my alma mater..

me again..done with blog surfing..i was just thinking..baorong has finally found the light to the joy in her life..to do sth that she likes and not sth that she finds meaningless..she's finally signing up for drums lessons!!! yes..that's what she wanted since last yr?? or way long ago..lucky it's like for a few lessons..so she has no chance to give up drums..haha me me?? what do i want to pursue?? oh hell a lot of things..juz that i'm still tied down with other stuff.. ok..i must make it a point to do sth i really wanna do for once..let's see..shall it be dance lessons first..or persuade mum to get me a guitar..or..yea that's it..hmm..sheesh..i must do sth for myself..ok..dancing it'll be..now..which dance studio should i go to? oh SARAH SARAH..if yu happen to read this..let me know how are the jazz lessons at tt studio yu go to okay? n jazz shoes..do i have to specially get them?? n shucks..i dun have those tight black pants that will reveal my thick tighs..where to get them? ..k thanks sarah..think i'll call her up..

haha..just realised i'm so unwell-liked..i think i need to know what's lousy about me. okok..number one..life's not only about looks and academics..hah..everyone agrees???? oh yes..because life's about money>???? sigh..sometimes yu gotta be practical..especially in Singapore..yea..maybe it's cos of the pple around me..that's what i'm made to think..to survive in world..yu must have sth good to present to the world..or else yu'll be of no use..wait stop..this is too chem..i dun wan to think so much any furthur..

pple..pls leave yur critics about me on my tag board k..i wanna know i'm sucky i am n change myself to be a better person..like tian's mum and dad..wonderful pple..a doctor who provides services to health care workers free of charge..and a part-time gp who manages the hosehold so well..an ideal mother and wife..wahhh..

aniwae we went black angus to eat again..i swear never to go back there till next year..everytime leave the restaurant with a bloated tummy..disgusting..but superb food..the baked potatos with cheese..garlie bread..baby pork ribs and steak..mashed potatos!! haha..and it's very nice to have dinner with his family..a lot of talking and laughing..nice to learn more about his family..seriously sometimes i wonder..wad will become of tian and i in the future..gosh..it'll be quite weird if we actually break up..carn think of any cause..n wad will his parents say??? haha k nvm..thinking too much on a saturday nite..

i'm very happy that i'm spending my holidays very well..ample time to sleep and study..well just that i dun choose to study..rather watch tv..n i'm learning plenty of stuff at tian's dad clinic..n also training faithfully..from yio chu kang to police academy and toa payoh..damn far seriously!!!!! tp safra killed me..damn long walk..n i got lost..made baorong pissed cos i called her up twice to ask for directions..oh well..guess this kind of life is good..i love my holidays..oh..realise shopping at orchard is missing from my activities??? haha juz dun feel like it..maybe it's cos i'm broke..juz i think i'm tired..life's not all abt going to mango and watching movies..yea..it's abt..??? breathing..n eating..n spending time with yur close ones..

ok..let me juz say sorry to jamie for what i've typed in her tagboard..doesn't affect her n i think she'll juz go "hah jess's jealous again.." but oh well..it's juz inferiority complex again..nvm..no one will understand..maybe juz baorong..yea..fine it's her blog i dun care la..no matter how ugly i am..i carn do anything bout it..so i shall shut up n stop being vain..n rather, spend quality time on my sats??? haha lame..i shall juz sleep more..then maybe one day i'll happily not wake up..think only then i'm blessed..

ok yj..not tt i dun wan to blog..i'm very long-winded n everytime i type a long blog..the internet dies..haha nvm these few days of the holidays have been juz training..job attachment at gleaneagles with tian's dad..and job hunting and auditions..yea that audition is shit..i shan't recollect my awful memories..it's like once in lifetime..i definitely my last..thinking about it gives me goosebumps..hello!! me to act like a bitch..n like those kind at a club flirting guys??? i really wanted to walk out of tt cold room so badly..that poor kindhearted guy told me so many times to forget myself..n juz be her!! hmm..acting's not easy..no no..WADEVA!! i only wanted to be an extra..give up.

having a very bad injury now..n ran in pain today..of cos the wound grew worse and now i have trouble moving around my house..shit should juz get my sis to carry me..haha

there's sth very wrong with me..i think i need to go to church to find peace with god and with myself..n ask him why did i turn out like that..

Hold it hold it..two blardi more days to the end of my suffering..two more days to the end of my sleepless nights..two more days and i will never ever be haunted by...PROJECT WORK!!! lord pls give me the strength to sustain 2 more days..amen.

Happy sweet 17 to yiying~!! n of cos happy happy birthday to uncle lesster..

Last nite was one of the happiest moments of my life..it wasn't the presents..it wasn't the very chocolaty n sweet sweet secrets cake..it wasn't the fantastic food n the pandan rice which tasted like coconut rice..heh (made baorong scared of the rice being fattening)..it was yu pple..yu know who yu are..thanks for making last nite my most memorable birthday celebration..it was ages since i had sth like this..really..i'm so so blessed to still have yu pple with me after all these long bumpy yet smily years..michelle..jamie..baorong..baoxin..betty..n not forgetting uncle lesster..who watched us grow up..from the squash courts..to drinking..n boyfrens..n from sec sch to jc..the years indeed flew past so damn quickly..but all these years were well spent with yu pple beside me..again..i know i've sais this so many thimes..from the bottom of my heart..thank you..so very..very much

n to everyone who smsed me n blessed me with their wishes..thank you once again..n thanks for making my jc life so interesting n happening..haha..don't we juz love rj..

apologies..my blog is quite screwed now..my dearest sister mechanic is curently at work fixing it..heh jia you..

now..i shall sing a happy birthday song to myself..

Inferiority Complex
Seriously, Singaporeans have no life. on the way home on 154 as usual..recognised some familiar faces whom i met either every morning or evening..e bus was real quiet n slow-moving..was it crawling seriously i dunno..but time certainly passes real slowly when i carn wait to get home to rest..ok..quiet bus..no one moved in their seats..not even a slight hand movement or loosening of joints after the long bus ride..everyone's practically stoning lifelessly in their seats..not bothering at all about the people just beside them..scary..n cold..

suddenly i saw the Guiness advertisement..it said something like.."Someone will do it, why not you?" It was like my guiding light and encouragement..telling me to grab the opportunity provided to me before it is gone..n do not think so lowly of yourself..because lack of confidence will bring you no where..

i still doubt my ability..i dunno..i get scared thinking about my future..thinking about my near future..thinking about my J2 life..thinking of how i'm gonna train three times a week n have lessons from 8 to 7 on 2 other days..such kind of life..by the time i reach home at nite at 8..i would have no energy to continue doing tutorials or revision anymore..n would just collaspe on the bed..am i supposed to get 4 As like that?? how did they do it..

God bless me and bless all my friends who are hardworking and strive all the way to achieve what they think they deserve..

It's Over..or is it?

yea..promotional examinations are finally over..on friday after that hideous killer biology paper set by some nuts teachers..my class went to plaza singapura for dinner at thai express..was i supposed to feel excited and joyous? don't know..but i was quite stone actually..it's like..i could still continue studying for as long as ever..n come to think about it..yea it's non-stop..lectures will still go on..tutorials still have to be done..so what's there to celebrate? i can't wait to receive my results..whether they're good or bad..juz wanna see what my efforts had earned me..

i couldn't rest..this saturday morning..though i slept till 11 finally..i was still quite uneasy..a lot of things continue haunting me..things like project work..piano lessons..n exercising to get my 3 layers of fats off my body..disgusting yu know..jamie mich n jw know how i got them..double lunches..ice cream n all that junk..oh well..

i'm arranging my table slowly as images of me with my head in between my books flash so vividly in my mind..suddenly i think i've changed..ok i'm not making sense to anyone..only i myself will know..

watched underworld at 9.45 last nite..damn cool show..with the immortals n tt ugly looking beasts prancing up n down e walls..haha the vampires look so much better, especially kate beckinsale in her black costumes..n though her hair's always messy after fighting those likens(dunno how to spell)..she still looks so good..anywae the show was veh exciting..n quite farney..like new age vampires with beautiful posh cars and laptops..haha but one thing i din enjoy the movie is the gory n gross scenes with a chopped off head n some distorted face..it's juz damn gross k..

going out again soon..though i wun mind staying at home to rest..like really have a good rest..i think i can spend the whole day in fornt of the tv with star movies and hbo..heh n of cos with my beautiful brother..

to everyone..play hard n enjoy..soon all will be over..next year's gonna be hell..

"everything is meaningless until i find meaning in meaning what i mean."

...i think e above quote is damn cool..from yy's blog..my sis was reading it out while i was in e middle of cell biology..haha..then i was like..waahhhh..

Exhilaration

Happy~ sha la la..it's so nice to be happy~! sha la la/..heh i'm feeling very high on this crucial night..the night before my Promotional examinations. although i still carn set my self in the examination mood yet..(not at all preparing to sit in the examination hall..) but i bet i'll shiver tml at the sight of everyone scrambling to their seats..praying hard..and sending last min wishes to friends..

gosh this is so exciting..i'm finally sitting for my general paper..the one paper which i'll do the worst in..(ok be optimistic my dear..) fine..and very soon..i'll be off shopping and watching movies and squashing n just relaxing at home..finally..for once..it's so near yet so far..oh gosh i can seriously feel it..i even planned my activities for the next weekend~!!! i'm so happy happy happy~!!! ok..shall go to sleep now and attempt to retain my happiness till tomorrow morning..good luck to me..good luck to everyone..

he just said sth that was really sincere and sweet..and what that short message of a few words told me..was that i was important to him..and that i'm going to continue to play a dominant role in his future..

what more can i ask..i'm blessed..

You don't know me

oh so yu call this whining? this is pouring out my feelings..this is talking about my life..this is what i feel..i'm not complaining to ANY SINGLE SOUL..n yu have the right to choose not to read what yu see if yu dun like it..oh gosh..i hafta put on false fronts in front of my frens n close ones many a time..leik when i'm so stressed or unhappy..i still smile n pretend i'm doing fine n heck care about everything..it's not easy ok..n now back home in my little corner in my private blog..i still hafta cater to blog surfers' taste and blog stuff which yu like to read..sorry yu came to the wrong blog..

of cos there's more to life than mugging..like frens..family..shopping..fooling around n juz appreciating what's around yu..AS IF I DUN DO THAT..today i spent an hour chatting with jamie n listening to songs and went for pizza with tian at night..n yu yu yu>?? bet yu're busy spending precious time with yur books..who's not appreciating life? yu tell me..

i'm a veh sensitive person who's easily affected by what pple thinks abt me..all my frens know that..but i;ve learnt sth..that is to accept it..n get over it fast..yay

anyway i wanna thank god for blessing me with such a wonderful guy..i;'ve got a few more days left..i pray for the best..

Misery

dear blog..i juz tried my sch's 2001 chem promo paper..yes mcq..timed myself n finished quite fast..but found it tough..din know it's so bad..yea i got 8/15..for mcq..it's a O..oh man i got so disheartened i gave up on the paper..dun dare to do the open ended section anymore..n decided to go back to ten-year-series..
why why why..i've been working hard n doing all the tys questions..why's rj's paper so much tougher..am i really fated to get on O for chem..i've really been working hard towards a D or C..is that so hard..i dun believe..okay i'm gonna continue practising tys..till my emotions stabalise before i'll face the promo paper again..

god pls help me..

thought i'm really quite strong.. not giving up n continue working hard consistently towards better grades..but think i need more than juz hard work..perhaps luck n blessings..whatever

Pushing On

Hey..know wad..i've really nice frens..many sincere thanks to yj..sarah..nita..pam..n andrew~!! wow it's been ages since i last visited my blog n was surprised to see andrew's msg..hmm haha aniwae yea really gotta thank my classmates..really wonderful pple..who encourage me..console me..n motivate me to mug n mug n mug..haha seriously i love them..although i'm not tt happy that there's some discrimination in class..but nvm..pple try not to be so mean sometimes..if yu're not provoked..then don't be mean ok..make peace..

these few days i've been mugging..at my steady pace although i know tt at this pace i'm never gonna finish..but when i mug..i wanna make sure i really know the topic before i go on to the next..don't know if this will cause my downfall..but nvm..i'm taking things slowly..

congraTS betty..but luckily i still have a week more to mug..i'm thankful for tt..betty..hope yur papers were okay..hope yu will score for your lit n history..cos yu put effort in them..i hope yu've put in enough effort k..celebrate hard~!!!

happy birthday to dearest amanda and christine~!!!! haha amanda's so hot eh..got secret admirer ok..she thinks it's a prank..haha..she's shy man..heh

to all my frens..mug hard..last week left before we can celebrate for one day..n continue mugging for AO chinese n SATS and do project work n get real busy for Open House and my CCA cip..oh well..come to think about it..i'd rather be mugging than be busy with all sort of duties all over again..

life's quite nice now..just pure mugging n practising piano..
but i wanna get back to the part where i can shop n watch movie at orchard every weekend..heh i'm suffering from the "miss-shopping" syndrome..wonder if Mango have new arrivals..haha/..now now..back to mugging..

latest personal hit.. Yu Jian by Stephanie Sun..haha..Jay Zhou's Qing Tian is No. 3..opps

Smile
I do try to smile..despite how miserable i feel..i do..i wanna be like pam..always smiling n making jokes to make pple around her smile..n i encourage her by smiling n laughing at her jokes..but it was so hard..sometimes i wanna smile for her when she tries to brighten me up with her jokes again..i really couldn't force a smile..

it was tears today..i realised how lousy and hopeless and sucky n stupid and useless i was..gp compo got 23..gp compre got 23..haha..yes i know pple in front of the screen now is telling me to juz give up n go n die..like 23..man yur english sux or wad..ya..i know..tell me what to do about it pls..i walked out of the TS feeling like hell..really couldn't take it at that moment of time..
i'm alright now..n of cos have come up with all sorts of stuff like going to british council for english tuition and writing one compo every week..but i know i'm not that disciplined..i always draw out study plans but never follow it strictly..say i wanna do this do that but never get it done..gosh i hate myself okay..wad's wrong with me..such a failure..i really dunno what to do..

dawn..it was nice to see a message from yu..thought yu wun bother about boring pple like me who mug whole day n always complain complain..thanks a lot..
i'm on the phone with tian now..sounding really bad n lifeless but i really have nothing to say to him..or perhaps juz too tired..anywae i'm sure he's tried of my grumblings..

oh i had lunch with kym ng today at ghim mo..long story nvm..anywae she's a veh nice person..veh friendly..not that pretty with make-up but it's fine..aniwae it was nice talking to her..
gotta mug now..chemistry nite today..

Crying within
dearest CC..
yu nearly made me lose my mind today..i was pissed and unhappy with yu..i nearly cried..yu kept on teaching n talking..i could only keep still and silent..expressionless..n stone as my head got more painful after trying to figure out wad yu've been doing for the past 1 half hour..it was pure torture at ghim mo..physics tuition is my nightmare..

i have no idea why yu're rushing like a bullet train today..we're the ones taking our promos soon..not yu..we're the one who need to fully understand the topics before we can do those past yr papers..not juz do them based on a formula sheet that is to be memorised..man! why carn yu let us set the pace for our own lesson that we paid quite a lot for..yu may be stressed that we dun have much time to do revision cos there's only two weeks left..but since waves is gonna be a big question in the paper..with reference from past yr papers..why don't yu slow down n let us truly understand everything yu've taught? repeating formulas and their proofs is not gonna help much sir..

n it is not only ME who din have a lesson with yu on diffraction and those other waves stuff..almost the whole tuesday class did not do it!! stop blaming me~!!! yu're the one who's disorganised n have too many students that's why yu arrange lessons for some but forget the others..seriously~!!! it's so unfair..to be e small group who was left out for such an important topic..yes n what am i doing now..reading my own physics reference book..n i finally understand the topic and how those formulas were derived now..all thanks to myself..

sometimes i really love yu cos yu make us do a lot of examples till we're quite good at them..but like today..i really wanted to pull my hair out..

to pple out there who think pple under Cc sure do well for physics..NOT TRUE.
pple always say.."yu got Cc wad..yur physics sure secured lo!"..
MY ASS
if yu have Cc..n juz go for his lessons but dun bother to do his work and revise frequently and take time to think through yur work..can do well??? haha yu dream ah..have Cc so wad..he's not gonna wear a skirt n go rj to take exams for me wad..it's still me in the end..i gotta do his work diligently..pay 101% attention during his lesson cos he goes like a train..n also link what is taught at lectures to wad he teaches..
on the whole..it's not a blessing to have Cc..it's juz more work and stress for me..
gosh

gotta thank my tuition mates for being there always to suan him..haha
god bless me..
yu know..i really wanna get A for physics..i wasn't that close to an A for common test..but somehow i dun think it's impossible if i work harder, revise more and get my concepts right..but right now..i dun dare to think..i'll juz do my best..

really..i dun dare to think about my results for promos..S-paper?..i wouldn't dare to dream..

Happifying
yeap..good day on the whole..met him today..that really boosted my day n helped me relax..or else whole day at home i'll juz crash n burn..internal injury..haha
i stayed home today to try to mug more..oh well..my only achievement was that i finished respiration..read campbell n understood every line..n could roughly remember most of the enzymes and products..pyruvate n acetyl CoA and oxaloacetate n the number of carbon lost in every step.. ATP n NADH produced..hope the info will remain fresh all the way till promos..this's gonna be my promos revision for respiration..halfwae through respiration tutorial..hope to finish at least one structured question before my brain activity ceases..
so unproductive..other than bio..i did maths n couldn't do most of tutorial 14b..felt so dumb yu know..not as if i din pay attention during lecture..n i read the notes..this topic isn't that tough wad..shucks..in e end..din accomplish anything..
my death is near..

we went jurong point to help me destress..i had claypot chicken noodles..wahh damn shiok..i haven had hawker centre food for quite a while..yay so nice..n after tian left..i couldn't resist as i walked past coffee bean/..yes..i bought it..raspberry cheesecake!!!!!!!!!! wahhh damn shiok k..i simply love cheese cheese cheese..n cake!! haha damn sinful..not only did i spend unnecessary money..i juz ate a damn fattening cheesecake..

Cleo says love yur body..yes yes..i'm trying to psycho myself now..n oh yes..my sis bought Cleo..yes i was the one who told her to..n i spent an hour reading it..overwhelming myself with beauty tips and products and clothes..gosh i'm a sucker for everything..

n yu wun believe this..i spent 2 hours watching vanilla sky..e show with tom cruise and penelope and cameron diaz..damn chem show k..not that nice cos penelope's acting is so-so.. but the concept behind the show is quite intriguing..but hello..impossible la..like totally unreal..living in dreams where yu can control everything and everybody..sighh..

okay..blasting from my two little speakers now is Where Is The Love by Black Eyed Peas..this song totally rocks~!!! got me so hyped up n shaking n make me more awake to do bio~!! pple who dun have this song..stop being so deprived n download it immediately~!!! gosh i love this song..

Zombied
yeap did keep in touch with the children..sadly it's only one of them..eileen..she asked me for my no. on the last day of camp n we've been talking since..but one thing i feel damn bad n embarassed abt..i'm e sort who tends to read e sms and forget to reply when i'm busy with sth else..then she'll keep messaging back asking if i got the msg..n always i hafta say sorry..haiz..

i'm so tired today..yes after charlie chan's i was like a living zombie..bet i looked so bad pple around me on the bus and at the bus stop were thinking what's wrong with this girl..gosh..i was miserable..i could barely catch up with what charlie was teaching..i din know how to do the exercise questions..n jamie teo who sat beside me was stressing the hell out of me cos she could do everything!! usually i could understand everything charlie teaches..i'm so attentive n participates actively..today..i struggled..struggled for my dear life..sth's wrong with me..i think i need to mug physics more.. yes..i shall..

yes..continuing with my bad day..i had an early nite yesterday..10.30..how early is tt man!!! i was so guilty cos i din mug anything!!! aniwae woke up late even..cabbed to sch..wasted 6+ bucks..stupid me..

then was stressing over jamie's present..cos i thot i wun have time to get it by tml..so was thinking rush down to orchard after sch on wednesday..then cannot..cos too late n mich hafta go for her grandma's wake..so yes..rushed down to orchard after sch today..wahhh was walkign at super fast pace and thanks to my excellent shoppin skills (sheesh i'm a shopping addict) i managed to find sth for jamie in less than an hour..yeap broke my record time..aniwae it was a little bag from mango..n i tell yu i fell in love the first time i saw it!!! yes jamie..I LOVE IT!!!! if i were selfish enough i would not buy it for yu n juz keep it for myself..seriously i want it so badly..thot it looked so good n sophisticated..haha nvm..but..it's yur birthday..i wanna get yu sth i think it's worthy of yu n suits yu..n so i sacrificed and bought it for yu..n the next thing i thot..man i love it so much n wad if yu dun like it or find it so-so..i'll be totally upset man..so i'll juz keep my fingers crossed..n pray..
oh oh..n the perlini necklace..i paced up n down n to n fro the perlini shops at taka and wisma k..n that was the part which troubled me the most..wad would you like..wad's affordable..and one thing..yu have millions of necklaces..yu dun really need another!!! k anywae yu have everything yu desire..dunno why i'm so stressed out also..silly me..sighhh.. aniwae i saw this necklace..i noticed it since a week ago when i was shopping..yeap i liked it..but i remembered jamie had sth very similiar and also..the necklace's chain..is not one which jamie likes..but after investigation..found out the chain can be removed..so fine..i juz got it..i need to go back to ghim mo for charlie chan in few minutes time..yeap..n i got it..
i think the gifts for jamie are perfect..could have gotten better stuff but under time constraint..i think i did a great job..heh..

oh jamie..i wanted to get a nice black elegant wallet from BEbe..remember the one we saw? yea yu said it was nice..difinitely better than your current killer wallet..haha aniwae went to see it n it was 70..opps..way over budget..sorry~
n gotta thank mich for worring over jamie's present with me and for the gift ideas..n hwee ying too for tt brillant one..haha cool!

i tied my hair today..with a little pony tail..din know it's THAT BAD..is it? first was jian wei..eyes bigger than usual..looked a little stunned..then was jamie..forever nth good to say abt me..said i looked weird or sth..then chin siang..said mian4 mu4 quan2 fei1 but said i looked better..a few consolations from classmates who said i looked good..derick needed time to recognise it was me..conclusion? no conclusion..wadeva la..yes i dun need to look good..ugly also can survive in sch..
but one thing..it's been a long time ever since i tied up my hair n i had a headache at the end of the say cos i hafta pull my hair back tight..yea..stressed my head..scalp..and eventually e brain..oh well..seriously..if i have the money now..i'll go to 'the scene' at wisma for a good head massage n shampooing n get my hair nicely cut..

during gp today we talked about streaming..yes fierce argument from dedrick..n daniel is forever talking like a PAP member..or mp..he can go run for elections n become the youngest mp..haha i'm so definite he'll make it..anywae thinking about streaming..i support dedrick..gotta agree that there's selfishness and impatience on the part of the government..at pri 3..and sec 1..hello..based on IQ, talents, interests, behaviour and of cos results..yu cannot determine if one is gifted or not!! ..n i'm fully convinced by the results of edison and einstein..also..i know many EM2 students who made it to RJ or a top secondary sch!!..students from neighbourhood sch could also make it to RJ..so hello..haven't we left them out n failed to provide them with higher education for the past 4 years while they are in sec sch?? it's a total discrimation! After sch when the girls had a gathering in the toilet..yee yen mentioned that she's in a dileama..cos she agrees with dedrick tt streaming is unfair n does not really work well in producing more edisons and einstein..she admits benefitting more from streaming..as top 25% students..true..but uh huh..out of these 25% who made it to top schools..how many actually neglected their studies n did not turn out to be who and how the government expected them to be - model students with excellent results? quite a number from every school..n adding up..the number gets significant. Here we have wasted the country's resources and the chance could be given to other students whose potential is yet to be discovered..
singapore is too practical..that's what i have to say..n seriously..i dun like the education system..pple at alexandra road..pls review it..or let's say..yu all are kind of screwed up..sorry..but yes..like project work..man yu guys were only thinking about yur own benefits rite..like your testimonial will look good cos yu implemented project work that is supposed to do us students good!! wanna look at us now?? n e teachers?? who are like really tired of reviewing us and filling in forms..yu guys are BEASTS..cruel..cunning..unfeeling..cold.. brainless and heartless BEASTS. sorry i gotta use those words.. i'm a very honest girl.

9.44..time to go practise piano..hope i have the energy to stay up till twelve thirty today so that i can accomplish more..but i doubt my ability..

sigh..

yes i'm missing out so much stuff..haven being online for quite a while..no time man..gotta practise piano every nite..cos teacher juz keep teachign n teaching n me being such a slow student who simply lack talent..gotta practise damn damn long n many times to get one page rite..arghhh..nvm..i'm still hanging on..n mugging for promos now..sarah's stressing me out..everyone's so good at physics now except me..jin yi's physics is like shen2 now..gosh i betta buck up..seem to be slacking away like nobody's business..

n where did tt mugssica come from..gosh so nan2 ting1..jamie..must yu call me that..mugger sounds nicer..n wadeva i admit man..yea i'm the slave driver..as well as the slave..as well as e mugger..why dun pple realise that i go out much more than them..hah they're the real closet muggers..mug n dun wan to admit..so typical..n irritating..mug then mug la..so many pple mugging in sch early in the morning at 8 while i'm still in bed..crazy..i'll juz go back to sleep again man..like today mugging at home..slept in between..afternoons..for about 3 hours in total..oh well..yes i'm a pig too..

my pw's screwed..we're stagnant..no one's doing anything..no one seem to bother..fine we shall meet everyday then..but i carn make it~!!!! pple why dun yu all reply to my messages..it's like 6 messages in total..n meet online n do the evaluation form..why doesn't any one do it??? gosh why am i always the one doing n pushing pple to do..i'm veh tired of that le..i need more time to study..dun have much energy to spare to worry about pw man..godness i hate myself..but come to think about it..if i really dun care n dun arrange meetings n assign tasks./our project is gone leh..that's the seriousness..nvm..nobody cares aniwae..sigh

interact camp ended yesterday..whole 2 day camp..a real active one..n yu really carn afford to be sleepy or sian cos the group needs the volunteers to psyche up the children and encourage them to participate actively in the games..i had a hard time..yea end up swinging a guy onto the floor while playing handicapped basketball..n got scolded fo being so hyper..sigh nvm they wun understand y i keep shouting n screaming n smiling though i'm so tired n sometimes really depressed cos i carn get all the children to participate in the games..it's all for the kids..aniwae build many new relationships with the children and my fellow group volunteers..pple like he qi..jiaying..rebecca and eunice..very nice pple..it's like yu always see some pple around in sch but never talk to each other cos there's no chance of interaction..so i really gotta thank this camp for letting me know so many more pple..n it was really fun overall..learnt volleyball n stuff..got to know how these children actually feel about their lives...i thank mich and jamie for persuading me to join the camp..it;'s really an eye-opener and an enriching experience..

there's this girl in my camp..her boyfriend got into some trouble with the law and had to go to court today..i wonder how he is..n the girl's very sad..cos he'll either go to jail..or be sent to malaysia (he's a malaysian) or he's going australia to study..she told me though this is not her first boyfriend..n there're only together for about 7 mths..their relationship is the strongest and she knows that he's the one whom she can really trust..i was very sad for her n lost for words..i'm so sorry i couln't help her in any way but to console her..n tell her to get on with life n tt she still can keep in touch with him..yu should see the look on her face..haiz so young n hafta go through such trauma..god bless yu diana..

charlie chan juz reminded me that it's only 3 weeks after the hols to promos..gosh can i finish revising..wad do i exactly hafta do? how to go about revising?? really hope someone can guide me to revise the right way so that i dun waste time..cos i really dun have much left..haha sound like i'm dying soon..have been meeting tian almost everyday..like today..though i;'m supposed to spend my tim studying..but i'm so glad to meet him..he looks good to me everyday n when i see him n he holds my hand n i lean close to him..i feel totally relax n it's like my worries all flow away..today i was very stressed out after chan's class cos i carn do stationary waves..tian totally calm me down..haiz but gotta study n carn meet him everyday la..nvm i can do it myself..yea i'll do wad i'm best at..sleep to relax..sigh

time to go..pple enjoy the last 5 days of holiday..new SARS case alert..haha someone said maybe they'll close schs down n exten hols cos of SARS again..hah my ass la..yu go on dreaming man..haiz but i really hope to dream..good nite pple~!

last blog..august 16..today..31 august..wwooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww hmm wait..it's only a few weeks wad..chey~!!!! haha hmm let me see what was i up to man..dunno..mugging..catching up on tutorials..pw..1st draft..going out..shopping..movies..sleeping..yes that's important..n going out with frens..training..yeap..everything but not blogging..really have been ages since i last touched my com..tonight's ionic equilibria nite..but was thinking of my blog..felt like visiting to see if animore missed me or said hi..hmm..few pple..but nvm..at least there are some souls heh..n once i was at my blog..man my fingers juz itched..i have to blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha yes so here i am blogging..with nothing in mind to say..letting my mind so wild for once..dunno when will be my next blogging time..really..tian told me to start mugging for promos..i know i should n i'm trying..no joke man..i carn get an O for chem again..no wae..suddenly thought about last week's 3 lectures..yes that was what i've been busy about..busy mugging for them to get full marks..haha yes crazy psycho jess..hey but i'm supposed to get full marks for physics..yes yes talk talk..in the end..yu stupid complacent girl..din open your eyes big enough still go to sleep..missed out the radius of the earth n in end i threw 6 marks down the f drain..oh well..learn from your mistake..yes that's to comsole myself..haiz wadeva

tml's teachers' day..friday's teachers' day celebrations were way cool!!! first up eric lee singing with paul khoo..n e band..haha eric lee's totally E MAN!!! gosh did yu see the way he was crooning away??? with total expression and feelings in his songs?? gosh if he was my age..i'll juz fall for him man..okay okay..maybe juz a little crush..but gosh..tell yu..guys who can sing really will melt girls' hearts..but if yu carn..then dun try la huh..heh yes then were the dancers..oh cos amanda stole the show..to me at least..other guys may be drooling at weiqing or patricia..but girls like mi who knows what's dance could easily distinguish who's good n who's not as good..everyone knows amanda's the one..gosh it's simply the gift from god..the gift of dancing..she's born with it..
went back to pri sch in the afternoon..yes teachers were all glad to see us back..a lot of good news and bad ones from teachers..principal suck..teachers pregnant n getting married..some leaving..others still slogging n suffering..haiz that's life ain't it? ms beh's as busy as ever..rushed off for meeting n mdm foo, as always..asking how we are..giving invaluable advice..always like a mother to us..the class is so seperated..everyone met up..but sitting at seperate tables..oh well..nvm juz something between 2 gangs of girls..guys..never grow up..haha okay la..more mature le..though there's still some old traits n behaviour..haha yes everyone's in different jcs and polys now..totally different lives..wonder what we'll end up as in the future..

movies..shopping..going out..eating..all these have been keeping me alive..yes juz went for dim sum and sushi buffet at pacific plaza yesterday with tian..haha good food man..we ate n ate n i tell yu my belly totally expanded to the max..hmm never really think of getting fat..juz enjoy while i can man..what if i..okay nvm..choy..watching tale of two sisters tml..haha so damn excited okay..heard so much for sis n mich n others how good the show is..i know it's gonna be real freaky..sheesh..juz hope i dun get too affected by the show..the ring was quite traumatising..but after so many horror shows..maybe i've become braver..haha we shall see what happens after tml..the league of extraordinary gentleman was a fantastic show..wasn't that interested in it at first..but gosh it's so cool n hmm..i juz like the 7 of them..7?? yea should be..wow the ton sawyer is damn cute!!! okay carn wait to watch pirates of the carribean..same kind of show..n it's definitely gonna be good.. n ohhhhh...xiang4 zuo2 zou3 xiang4 you4 zou3..i finally saw the preview on tv..takeshi kaneshiro and gigi leung!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! man i screamed when i saw them on tv..n it's damn sweeet lo..read the book..n recalling gigi's and takeshi's previous show..wad's it called?>> erm..shucks juz carn seem to remember it..ohhh it's xing1 dong4..a damn touching n romantic show..ahhhh juz carn wait for it..

okay..so what's my mugging plan then?? dunno..dunno how to start..dunno where to start..maybe it's time for me to stop blogging n think about more serious things rather than fascinating here..haiz back to reality..

oh ya..nuriesya left for canada..n i carn believe i missed her..it's so drama..me taking cab and mrt n rushing down to changi airport early in the moring in fac shirt..n the end din make it in time..veh sad..it's like i forgot how she looks like already..thank god i've class pictures..man i din get to hear her voice even..sigh..take care nurie..all the best in UWC..gosh bright future awaits yu..

heh juz watched jerry maguire..it's so romantic n sweet n touching n gosh..tom cruise looked so good n so young in that show~!!!! he really aged..haiz that show is damn nice lo..the black couple's so loving..only makes yu fantasize about your future..yur future mate..hAIZ..okay dun think too far..think bout promos now man..haha toot toot toot..girls are always like that..minds wander a lot..

k it's good nite~!!!

Juz read betty's blog..i dunno what to feel..how to react..she's really pissed off huh..dunno whether it's cos i din call her back when i'm supposed to..dunno whether she's talking about me..felt quite upset about what she said about rj pple..though happy to know that she's liking ac so much..i agree that e rj pple bitch n gossips veh often..when this girl is so close to this guy..tails will start wagging but somehow i gotta say this may be a form of destress n perhaps relaxation from work..get it? like how girls engage in eye-candy-watching..haha juz to help us forget about the hectic school work for once n let our brains rest for a little while before coming back to reality n bother about what is important..that is school work..and not gossips n eye candies..

dear betty..in rj friendships are really that simple too..no one gives gifts n postcards to get a friend..no one suck up to chio bus or hunks..at least not in my batch..not the majorities..gifts n postcards to win a heart..hah betty..rgs perhaps a little..in rj no one has the time to do these stuff animore..trust me man..in rj..i realise i smile n say hi to more pple than in rgs..esp pple whom i dun usually acknowledge in rgs (meaning dun smile at)..yes a smile..that simple..n yu know that person knows yu n is interested in making friends with yu..n soon after yu realise yu'll be saying hi to each other..sucking up to chio bus?? yu'll realise that pple who have a lot of frens are not the best looking in the batch..but the friendliest n nicest pple..pple like baorong..pamela..audrey..the council pple..juz cos they're outgoing..dun discriminate..n juz make all sort of frens..hunks..hmm there're no hunks in rj..more popular guys ya..but no girls are not really that bothered with them..

"AC taught me that being yourself is the best poilcy. EVeryone seems so accepting of everyone else.. there's no real dividing factor that separates pple or wadsoever.." --betty
is that really true..sure no one bitches behind yu..i really dun believe..i'm sorry..what bout those girls n guys whom yu pointed out at kallang supporting squash..yu're good frens with them now? she's good frens n well-accepted by everyone..or pple actually bitches behind her..in rj there's no real diving factor that seperates pple too..everyone doesn't SEems so accepting of everyone else..everyone simply accepts n make frens with pple who crosses their paths..

betty..about the specs thingy..i do wear my specs to sch..once..mich too..n pple like weiqing..denise..sarah n others wear specs to sch quite freely..maybe certain pple do care about their looks so blardi much that they made such a comment to yu..maybe some pple think it's a necessity to look good in sch cos of guys n other factors..but that's only certain superficial minority..i admit there're such pple in rj..but for the others..we prefer to be ourselves..n we want pple to accept us for who we are..not who we are acting as..
rj pple do grow up mentally..being less superficial n sensitive..learning to treasure people around us more..n helping one another more (mental support n encouragement n stuff)..this is the case in my class..we're not simply studious pple..we do care about life..friends..n we know what we want in life..also that we have to work for it..hence knowing our priorities.. when to play..when to study..this is a little out of point..but juz wanna mention it.

dear betty..hope yu have cooled down..sorry if i'm one of the reasons yu were so angry with the rj pple..
gotta go now..this weekend gonna be hectic..1st draft for written report due next week..tml's pw meeting gonna be real fun..

Internet is working again thanks to my smart sis..who bothers abt the com..haha aniwae juz got back from training..had dinner..n here i am..stinking up my room..blogging..my day got much better after the learning journey to the parliment..firstly parliment was okay..parliment house was beautiful n cool..yea saw the ministers..goh cheok tong n other familiar ones..sat in the gallery n gotta bow at the speaker upon entering n leaving..quite cool to see it live cos yu can see the heck-care faces of the other MPs who are not paying attention..actually i only saw one..the rest were all sitting up listening to the speakers..topic was on employment..some bill..second reading..talking abt the employment of Singa[oreans as compared to foreigners..ratio not right..less jobs n all tt stuff..yea only watched for abt 40 mins n there was debrief..not tt bad..

rushed back to sch for training after tt..sorry if i screwed up as a captain..aniwae what mich n i n david do..the members dun really know wad..but i know a major problem is miscommunication..i'm sorry..i'm change n improve k..i'm trying.. aniwae training today was damn shiok..Nor took david n me..boasts, volley and drives drills..david must be laughing at how sucky i am..but wadeva..after he left it was as if i had personal training..heh so funky..n i put in a lot of effort to get the shots right n forceful..so i felt good though i wasn't good at squash..after tt was PT..not tt bad la..maybe about 6 x 20 sprints..i din run at max speed..so not tt tiring..although we were panting like shit..then usual push ups and sit ups..i really suck at push ups..muz practise man..somehow my arms are so weak..crap..but they are quite big lo!! crap nvm..a little flabby on the underside..maybe that's why..heh after training i felt so good though tired..shirt was totally soaked..waists aching n had blisters on my palm..but i felt really worked out n fit n finally can feel my abs!! haha of cos now after dinner it's gone..

someone's depressed now..i pray for his happiness..n this is to him..hey cheer up..no matter how terrible n sucky the situation is now..i'm sure yu'll find ways to make life better and enjoyable for yourself..i'm sorry i couldn't meet yu today..i'm damn stupid..no point regretting now..sorry i couldn't be there for yu..but still..look on the brighter side of life alrite..yu know yu've yur good frens going through the same shit as yu..so it's not tt bad afterall..smile dear :)
n to pam and baorong..n myself..live life to the fullest..though we're like bumble bees who work non-stop..n also worry non-stop about all sorta stuff..from pw to cip to sch work to cca to tests..remember yu have frens with yu going through the same shit..so cheer up n smile~!!! muakz~! n remember..dun mistreat yurself..pamper yurself with treats n sufficient rests..k pam..
sheesh..gotta go practise piano now..then got bio tutorial n maths vectors to finish..somehow i know i'm not disciplined enough to complete them all tonight..

heyhey blog..my com was screwed yesterday n refused to let me access the internet..so here i am using the sch's com complaining to yu..haiz juz saw jamie's blog with all my stupid photos inside..those that i look exceptionally bad with my blardi bulging eyebags n ok i simply look crap n she looks damn good..wadeva i admit i'm ugly. fullstop. supposed to do project work but here i am slacking again..juz ahd chinese cheng2 yu3 test..haha i know i din study so i'm not feeling shit about flunking the test..juz feeling shit that i din mug for it..oh well..

oh no. i'm lost for words now..i no longer know what else to say to yu..munching on my bread in the com lab now illegally..thinking what else to say..realising how much undone work i have..how slack i've been..n how shit i looked.. haha sorry i'm really vain n care about material stuff n looks n clothes n..i'm a girl wad..it's okay lo..sorry tian..i'm forever picking on myself..used to be my hair..but i've decided not to cut it cos i've no money n i'm sian of short hair..next it's my tummy..forget it i'm still eating my fav ice cream n chocolate n pizza..it wun ever disappear..then now my face..i'm really sick of looking bad..my stupid eyes..really so tempted to go for plastic surgery shit..but i know it's crazy..haiz stupid eye bags..even jega commented..hey not as if i sleep veh little..compared to others i sleep veh early already..they dun have eye bags..then y do i?? they sux man..

k i'm sounding like a bimbo now..stop it..going for learnin journey soon..damn gotta miss chem lecture..this topic's damn important n heavy..die die..suddenly feel so tired..got training later..oh well..shit i'm feeling damn inversed now..carn take this anymore..

lets see..what i have yet to blog..
yesterday..a veh fun n successful n psyched up shopping day with tian
day before yesterday..national day parade..man i have so much to say abt that day..
but no..no time for blogs..it's pw time..damn it i've been fixing e photos e whole of tonight..n of cos..only starting work now..n never even practise piano..shit i'm so dead..
aniwae today's an inverse day in sch..back home..it became a slacking day..now..everything's screwed..i feel screwed..oh well..stop it n get down to work..

An extract from jian wei's --
"Why does JC life seem to suck?"
Cliques.
Relationships.
School ending late.
People being shallow.
Loss of old friends.
Lessons being boring.
Many teachers are boring.
The RJC campus sucks.
Overload of work.
Interdiscipliary Project Work.
Common Test results.
Waking up so fucking early.
They guailanned 111 route.
School's damn far.
Holidays few and far between.
Teacher is evil.
Teacher is explosive.
Softball training wth happened.
I feel to slack to listen is lectures.
Maybe coz they're so boring.
I don't make an effort.
I don't try to make it better.
I don't bother about stuff.
Shallow people.
Unthinking, unthoughtful.
Biased. Common enemies.
Unhealthy cheapthrills.

realise how true when i was reading it..but for me..
"Why does JC life seem to suck?"
Cliques.
Relationships.
School ending late.
People being shallow.
Loss of old friends.
The RJC campus sucks..A LITTLE actually..toliets so far away..erm..i like the com lab..it's alright la..at least we have air-con lecture halls?? hmm..gotta learn to be contented..
Overload of work. - so totally agreed
Interdiscipliary Project Work. --but of course..it's driving me nuts..
Common Test results. -- really reflects how stupid I are..mugged so blardi hard n do so much for chem still a big fat O..****
Waking up so fucking early. --yea..though it's the same for sec sch too..still..sometimes i really hate to get out of bed..
School's rather far. -- jian wei's house furthur frm sch..so i'm quite lucky i guess..
Holidays few and far between.
Lectures boring.
I put in a lot of effort to stay up n listen.
Grades doesn't get better.
ok..Grades doesn't reflect accurately on how much i've put in for exams..
I feel cheated.

oh well..nvm..aniwae happy birthday Singapore..ask me do i love yu..not much..sometimes i really wanna get out of this place..
going for national day parade later with two interesting pple..haha my nightmare..okok no no..thanks for going with me..

oh no i'm a loner man..no friends no life..hmm today i actually din think of going out..instead wanted to mug in sch or at macs..in e end went for tuition..later i've decided to shop for a little while at orchard..well..yes alone again..saw a lot of other rj pple..mostly girls..in big groups..in pairs..only me..walking alone down orchard..pathetic i know..yes yes now yu know how pathetic jessica is..everyone has pple to go out with except me..maybe i should juz stick to my books eh..be a real mugger..with no life n entertainment..
saw baorong frm e bus..with two other classmates..actually i could have simply agreed to go out with her when we're talking at the canteen today..perhaps me being a loner is due to my inability to grab chances..yea betty scolded me for not treasuring her..for not asking her along when shopping..but how would i know if she's free..hmm k partly my problem there..nvm i shall always ask her out now..

i hate the way i speak..hate my lousy singlish with all the los and mehs and lehs..i wanna speak like americans..british pple..they just sound veh intelligent n sophisticated..with elegance and attitude..saw chin siang's austrilia photos today..2 albums..beautiful place..castle-like colllege..large green field..but what i really love are mountains..n old buildings..really look like those in harry potter..so beautiful and there's like a lot of history behind them..real cool..oh..n beaches..during sunset..yu should see those photos..golden orange sky..captivating..
this year's bday wish..is to go australia..but i know the chances of my wish come true..20%..oh well..no harm wishing..

sometimes i really feel like killing myself man..wad e hell!!! i'm so idiotic..goshhh!!!!!!!! haiz doing pw again..n again n again..wonder what time i'll sleep tonight..
sometimes i wish we're in the same sch..so that yu'll know what i'm going through now..n i'll know how yu feel too..then maybe yu wun keep saying i'm doing too much or wad..n i'm quite tired of telling yu i know what i have to do and the fact is i have SO much to do..i'm not being stupid..i'm doing what's good for me..
hau wan's mugging for the upcoming lecture tests already..when am i starting? i wonder..
really suffering..jc life sux..bye

busy busy busy..no time to blog even..yea no one has been blogging aniwae..shucks..i dun even have time to drink water..dad scolded me for dehydrating myself..for not taking care of myself..saying i look like a zombie..ah wadeva..hmm..sarah's in love..n she's looking better n better everyday..prettier..me leh..in love for so long..got pretty n now is the time to turn ugly huh? hmmmmmm..
so much stuff to do for pw..the long meetings totally drain out my brain juices..super taxing..n i'm getting used to doing work in sch canteen despite the food n noise n ppl walking n slacking arnd..
changshuang came over to rj today..from canada..on a holiday break form uni..gosh she still looks good..nice clothes still..n still the same old her..not corrupted or polluted by the western culture..put on a little maybe..n jamie says she has got an accent!! i din realise that..aniwae it was nice to see her again..i got really excited n ran out of lecture hall to give her a hug..
okay..everyone's really busy with catching up on tutorials n pw..wanna thank my pw group for consistently working tog..n motivating n calming each other down during meetings..heh..n yes..to my dearest guy..thanks so much for accomodating me..thanks for coming late in the evening to pick me up n accompaning me home..heh that helps to destress a lot noe..
okay..back to maths 3D tutorial..yeshhh i'm only at 3D..pple are all doing vector tutorials already..jia you jess..sighhhh..

no time no time..life's a game man..n i gotta keep practising piano..mugging..do filing..do pw..n go shopping..haha so that i wun lose out in this game..but seriously..there's much more to life besides the Game..really..there's still love..friends..mugging is not everything..As is not everything..
congrats jen..pam..med fac for their reality play..emelia..is that how it's spelt? anywae..so totally bimbo~!!wahh..even better than jamie n dawn..haha n the arts pple..damn good acting that brought me laughing so hard..pple beside me must be thinking i'm crazy..but veh entertaining..i haven laughed so hard for ages..haha wei ming..too muscular..tt bimbo..too low intelligence..tt preacher..haha simply "auntie" and farney..tt damn muscular girl..she can act man~!! n she's damn good la..n tt guy in black..haha nvm..

aniwae e medicine play really reflects on rj life huh..but that it's much more pple who are involved in this game..n personally..i hate this game..what's yur aim in winning this game? what do yu want to get out of it? scholarships? good job..good future..maybe..but this game relly reflects on how false and untruthful pple in rj are..slacking..ya rite..all mugging secretly at home..all part of the strategy..oh well..seriously..i'm veh tired of this game..

my turn to stop slacking now n go back to my piano..happy weekend pple~*

juz got home..his parents drove me home again despite me insisting tt i can take a cab safely home myself..sheesh so embarassing to keep troubling them..aniwae..today was the birthday of a guy..
an understanding..sincere..truthful and trustworthy guy..mature..loving..cute..n simply wonderful..happy birthday dear..
i know i've said billions of "sorry"s to yu today..but i still gotta say them..sorry for your belated gift..sorry for the lack for surprise..sorry for the lack of energy and excitment and enthusiasm in me..sorry it has to be a thursday..after that long 5.30 day..n draining training session..sorry if i looked tired..sorry i couldn't make yu even happier..
He kept telling me i looked veh good today..countless times..though my hair's screwed (din use styling cream) n eyes puffy or wadeva not..tt silly guy is so easily satisfied..such insignificant beauty of mine juz mesmerised him..totally..
sighh..i love him so much..

yea my little burnt..brown cheesecake without a base..it actually touched him..he juz kept smiling n saying thanks..he din care abt how bad it looked or tasted.at least he din show it in front of me..thanks dear..thanks for consoling me..thanks for appreciating my effort to do sth personally to make yu happy..

Short nite past real quickly..sad but yea..reality..we both were really tired..sleeping on the car..din talk much on the way home..quietened down to rest our senses..but thanks for having me in your arms..
short goodnite kiss in the lift..on this special day..i wish for his happiness..his safety..his smile..
juz before retreating to bed..wanna thank all those who made this day beautiful for him..yy..jamie mich..for e encouragement n ideas..all the SBS bus drivers who drove us to our destinations..emm..his family..my family..oh..n Mango..for manufacturing those clothes that make me look good..
happy sweet 19 tian~*

stressful nite after a fun..sweet day..too tired..juz wanna sleep now..came online to print some gp stuff..n blog a little to destress..he smiled at me today..saw another ice cream so many times today..haiya dun worry mich..sometimes i'm too stress n looking at good-looking pple helps me destress a little..but after a while..it's back to my reality..mugging life..got 3 ice creams altogether now..haha but two others are juz for display la..dun worry ah mich..n then interfac..wahhhh running up n down..organising the matches..getting the guys..thank god it's over..hope tml will be smoother..then dinner with tian at pizza hut..yes while gaining lotsa fat..we talked n laughed n i told him abt my eye candy n other cute guys in rj..haha sorry yur gf's so terrible..at least i'm honest n tan3 bai2..haha but i know yu wun get jealous or unhappy..after so many years yu know yu can trust me..i really treasured the time spent with him..so glad we met today..

how come there's so much homework suddenly~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! am i slacking too much???? when should i start studying for lecture tests????????? sheesh can someone pls give me an answer..okay i shall start a mugger club after IFG..mich muz join..jamie..haiya she wun join me..in library rather sit with yur "girl"fren than me..humph!!!! then mug in sch till 6.30 every day..reach home 7+..eat bathe..piano..start work at 9..hmmm...i'm *sure* i'm so disciplined..shucks..
hey twin..i need help to bake a cake..sheesh my mum got no time to help mi la~!! i die la..how to produce a cake by thurs..a small cookie more like it..n i haven got his present yet..oh great..god help me..

damn!!! PW!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaAaAahHhHhHhHhH!!!!!!!!!!!!! student feedback form!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! juz kill me man./

an unthinkable thing happened..we lost an old fren..i dun know her personally,but i see her in action in rgs..as e psl chairperson..n as this small..bubbly n cheerful senior. many wept for her yesterday in sch after we got the news. her classmates..her og mates..n her fellow councillors..everyone..really couldn't accept the news..but when it finally settled in me..i was really moody n carn stop thinking about her..even till now..

i thot..what exactly happened? y would she have done it..a young 18 year old..she has only lived less than a quarter of her life..bright future awaits her..what could have drove her to desperation n sadness n giving up..she's only 18!!! n then i think..n think..pple do have suicidal thots..i do..when many things gets out of hands..n yu find yurself juz sinking deep into the wide ocean..and yu carn seem to help yurself up..no one else seem to be able to help too..there's juz too many things to do..to settle..n yu seem to lose yur direction in life..yes..those thots..but no one has the courage to really relieve ourselves of all the pain that we suffer in life..to end everything..

the whole sch was really quiet on friday..corridoors..canteen..classrooms..it scared me..the teachers did a good job being composed n helping us to forget what juz happened..n to continue with our normal lives..everything after sch was cancelled..no interfac games..n it was the first time the after-sch-canteen is not crowded n noisy..there was quietness.. i went home..once again took out my precious rgs year books..n i saw her..gosh i carn accept reality..n guess i'm not gonna accept it till i see her at the church..but sadly circumstances forbid me to do so. yu know..she's a really sweet-looking girl..i juz stared at her picture..body solidified..

what could have been going through her mind that nite..above her pain..i'm sure all her frens..her family..n teachers all came to mind..i'm sure she would have considered that living is worth it with so many pple loving her..caring for her..so why why why..did she choose the other path in the end..n how deep was the ocean that she fell into..was it really so deep that she could trap water to keep herself afloat? was there really no lighthouses? no fishing boats or ships to save her? there was really nothing she could do? but why..

dear father..bless the world..bless her frens and bless her high above..taking away innocent lives is a sin..but she has her own reasons..n maybe there's no way out..May she be happier now..having been fred from all the stranggles in her life..and may her family n close frens be brave n overcome this lost together..to all those out there who have suicidal thots..always remember the people arnd yu who loves yu n care for yu..n cherish them..n know that there's a reason why god created each n everyone of us..n it is to work our mind n strength as we go through the ups n downs..through the thorns so as to reach the roses..to become better, stronger [eople..oh no..i sux at expressing myself..thanks to my poor english..only i know what i mean..nvm..I pray for the courage in everyone of us to face the increasingly tough journey of life optimistically and to overcome all obstacles along the way.. Amen

Live for all the beautiful things n pple in life..live for the beautiful you..live for the challenges ahead..
looking at my brother who's running into my room now..i'll never give up my beautiful family..my everdearest frens..n e most wonderful guy in my life..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST MICHELLE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
heh yea that was what all the commotion in the canteen was abt..the beautiful, delicious prima deli cake..wasted on cake fights..n all the photo-taking..wah i went home with betty n bx smelling of vanilla cake la~!! jamie, betty, bx, br, yingheng, tony, jega, mich n i..coming tog on this special day to show our love n appreciation to our dearest sister michelle~!! there were many beautiful surprises today..first the beautiful wallet..(yes she loved it~!!!)..then bx n betty..then the cake..n finale..jega~!! haha glad she was really happy n touched..n i totally enjoyed myself too~!!! a nice get-together..like rgs times..but in rj canteen..haha n photo-taking..i pray tt the photos turn out well..i simply love photos..n always end up laughing to myself when i flip through my beautiful albums..heh once again..happy birthday dear..n i was quite paiseh when i saw hwee ying's present to mich..it's more ex definitely..n jamie n i gave her a wallet only..though we spent more than usual..considering our years of frenship..quite paiseh but hope mich din mind..years of frenship is not measured by money rite..

hey betty betty..attracted by the cute guys in rj..even our stamford raffles la~!! took a pic with him..haha aniwae she pointed out a few guys..whom i think are good looking at first sight..but after a while..nth much..instead..find more flaws..haha she din think my eye candy was special..say too short..haha dun think she saw his face clearly but nvm..not betty's type eh? haha instead she was interested in the guy who went home with him..hmm tt softballer..second-intaker..yea la first time saw him at hcjc orientation..busy flirting away la~!!! tsk..quite cool n attention grabbing at first..but nah..so beng~!! pull his blardi pants so low for wad..always see him in sch pulling his pants down..till e belt shows..it's practically below his butt la~!!! aniwae my eye candy is of a higher standard than tt la..haiz his kind is cheap thrills heh okay i think i'm damn mean..

rock-climbing~!!! hey i tried the difficulty climb today..n i tell yu it's not difficult..it's blardi difficult okay/~!!!!!! i really wanted to give up though i was so near to the ending pt..hello there was nth i could grab..my both hands were trembling..fingers numb from all that gripping n grabbing..luckily my legs were strong enough to push me up n i made it to the top~!!!!!!!!!! that was such an accomplishment okay~!!! i'm proud of myself..i din give up..n i did it~!! oh..really wanna thank mich n jamie n vania n that sweet girl..dunno her name..if they weren't there to direct me n cheer me on..i doubt i could have reach the top..thanks man..

hmm wonder how come some pple can look so good everyday..only few pple does..they juz look the same everyday..everything in place..n look good~!! not like me..it's either bad hair day..or bad eyes day..or pale lips or juz a lifeless face..haha..
today veh happening day..i dun feel like doing work..but nah..shall touch a bit la..shucks too late to practise piano..shucks shucks

opening ceremony for interfac games..gosh pam they all look so cute in those harry potter costumes haha so sweet man..veh good job..n i wanna congratulate them for all the effort they've put in..well it was definitely a big bash~!! cheerleading was cool n pretty..real farney acts by the guys..haha but can see their effort to participate n to try to look good with the girls..med ruled the court eventually..i really hafta admit amanda is simply shen..costumes..style..moves..stunts..she does everything so well..n med was really composed n continue their dance despite the very helpful defective sound system..many emotions felt as i watched them from afar enjoying themselves, doing their thing..could i have been one of them if i went for the tryouts? i want to learn the dance..be one of them..n perform..n juz dance to the music..n enjoy..man i'm so silly..it's already over la..no more chance..yu stu[pid woman..

sigh..i love dancing..but carn..

after opening ceremony..went rockclimbing with baorong n fiona..haha totally kool~!! k first it was the farney shoes that totally did not fit the contours of my little feet..n next i haven rockclimbed for more than 1 year..damn is it tiring or wad..k i think i'm juz unfit..but hey i made it all the way up smoothly man~!!! quite happy with myself..gonna try another route tml n wanna time myself..haha rockclimbing is so fun n challenging lo..legs n hands both hafta be real strong..lalalala oh..n tml there's tennis interfac..hahaha dun care le..i never play tennis for 1 year already la~!! i'll juz go there..hit the balls out of the courts n lose..heh anywae i still prefer badminton..love it love it love it~!!! --more than squash too haha

after tt..went orchard to shop for mich's present ALONE..wonder why hor jamie..aniwae i drank strawberry yogurt at roibo's ALONE..walked all the way to pacific plaza ALONE n yeap..visited stussy..heh got this funky thing that we wanna get for mich but it's beige..green dots..haha mich will juz scream at the sight of it n will never use it..next stop..ripcurl..hey a lot of that thing lo..new designs..but not outstanding..last level..ROXY~!!! haha oh cos i look at clothes first..then at this display..i saw the one..black..with shells and beads sewn on a corner of it..roxy logo on the flap..i tell yu it was love at first sight k..hey mich i so wanted it for myself..k personally i love it..but i gotta walk up n down the shop for more than 10 rounds..considering if mich will like it as much as i do..if mich would prefer this to the esprit one i saw originally..think n think n think..of cos psychoing myself tt mich will like it..haha i bought it..n i'm feeling scared now..juz carn wait to see her expression tml when she receives it..hope she likes it..

before going home..i carn resisit the urge to drop by Mango again..n ahhhhhhh!!! new arrivals~!! new season's colour is purple n pink n white..i tell yu i love all the new arrivals k..no matter how unusual they look..haiz mango so totally rock~ then i saw them..this purple sequines toga top..this white long sleeves off-shoulders with studded words..this white toga..netted sleeve..i din try them on..but i bet i'll look stunning in them lo~!!! ahhhh damn nice damn nice..but but but..each cost 50 above..cheapest 45 i think..this money is small thing to celene n e other girls lo..but man i wonder how i'm gonna afford them..maybe one top a mth..every week i save 10 bucks???? HAHAHA i'm sure jessica lee can save money..rite jamie..i sux la..dunno where all my money go to also..it juz disappears..shopping is really saddening for this poor shopping princess..only can admire clothes from afar..try them on n marvel at how beautiful it looks on me..but seldom bring them home with me..sad sad.. nvm i'm fated not to be well-off.

hmm where yu disappear to everyday huh? suddenly yu will disappear form lectures..meaning pon..then suddenly appear at the canteen in e middle of e day..man dun tell me yu hide in the library to mug during useless lessons..haha n monday someone happily gave himself a holiday..

going off to bathe..i was so relieved when i finally handed in my pw file today..guess e way to survive is to keep encouraging myself to go on..

Dear blog..surprise surprise..yur lady pig is actually wide awake at this disgusting time in the morning..working real hard on her project work~!!! so hardworking..yea..n dun worry i'll go get my well-deserved sleep soon..to prepare for tml's bio lecture and 5 block long GP~!!! ewww disgusting..okay nvm..wanted to let yu know i've been real busy these few days..all the squash n pw stuff clogging up my brain..i was really upset with myself today..not being able to concentrate during lectures..i think nth from chem lecture went into my head..n i was dozing off..hate myself for doing tt..haiz now gotta spend more time reading through the notes again..cried a little at the canteen today..guess it was an overload of stress..+++ so many things to worry abt..sometimes i feel like giving up..during maths lecture i was thinking..how good if i were dead..nvm now everything is fine..i'm fine too..eating a small layer cake for supper..mich's bday in 2 days time..n again i'm organising a bash for her..but haven contact my khakis yet..sheesh

hey twin..how do yu usually celebrate yur bday? mine's quite sad yu noe..it's either stuck in between exams..or cos it's in the hols..so no one remembers..no one celebrates n sing bday songs to me in class..no presents..okay every year definitely got 2..but tt's not the point..sometimes i wonder all e effort that i put into organising stuff for my gang's bdays ever gone to waste..i crack my brain to make them happy..n destroy my brain cells while choosing the best gift for them without burning a hole in my pocket..but in the end i seem to be forgotten..
nvm..doesn't matter..i think every year is special..like last yr..1st present from tony n this vj guy from maths class..they were really sweet..with the Me to You bears..heh totally love those grey bears..

k i better get into bed..before those dark rings appear beneath my already bad-looking eyes..n before pimples n wadeva starts erupting due to lack of sleep..nite bears..

okay..this yr's colour is purple..not as nice as last yr's one..quite plain..plain purple throughout..but nvm..i'm thankful to my neighbour for lending it to me..hmm mich gonna stand out on monday..juz looked through my photos..the red n yellow sari's really striking..haha she'll look stunning..

i sinned again..brought my mum n baby darling all the way to swensens juz to eat a sundae but of cos end up eating the new fish n salad meal too..so-so only..quite small portion too..aniwae i know i'm damn ill-disciplined n undecisive n i sux!!! but if i dun LOOK fat..quess it's alrite to treat myself well..like what my sis said..we dunno how long we'll live..if i die tml..in the midst of a diet..i'll leave the world as a pitiful n pathetic soul who missed out on all the good food..n i'll regret not savouring my one last sundae from swensens before i leave..heh..so conclusion..juz eat la~!!! haiz..i look up to tracy n derrick..so disciplined..so vain..haha but tt's nth bad..everytime during pe..e girls will sit in a circle close tog..n everytime i see tracy's pair of slender, toned bronze legs..i'll juz sigh to myself..n blame myself for making my legs big..arms flabby (a bit)..n tummy bulging..oh..n a fatty butt..
pls..do not comment on what i juz said..i'm juz revealing my emotions n feelings to my trusty blog..which is forever patient n tolerant towards my nonsensical grumblings..

hey guys..what do yu all like to get on yur bdays? pls help me out..give me ideas of presents suitable for a guy..sth special..unique..touching..n uncle heng..when's yur bday?
my sis bought a miniature guitar from a road side store at meridien today for a girlfren..i fell in love with it when i saw it..thot it was totally suitable n stylish for tony who's leaving..too bad the stall only opens on every sat..man i want it for myself too~!! sheesh..i dunno what to give tony as a farewell gift..july is a go-broke-mth..n jamie~!! we haven got mich's present yet..how how..moday i'm having piano lesson carn go out..yu have cheerleading every evening too..how like tt..nvm i'll try to find sth tml..