I am a Great Captain!!!

haha..face reality 12345..n this is not the way to be proud of yourself..i dun think what i wrote about myself during a short inter-reflecting exercise will affect my teammates..gosh what yu said made me laugh haha
no matter how contradictory it may sound..i seriously do not blog for pple to read! now now..the pros and cons of blogging..why i do it..cos of convenience..n i feel that it's an avenue for me to now more about My Friends' lives since school is so hectic now n conversations hardly go..

i realise i dun like strangers reading my online diary..sigh nvm i shan't be affected..like dr chan said..yu carn make everyone like yu..just be a good person n be contented..
i'm liking dr chan more n more..maybe he has a phd in psycology haha..he's really a good teacher..despite unwanted jokes..his efforts are recognised..i feel.

i dun think i've embarrassed my team..regardless of what i think of myself..they judge me as the person i am..as the friend..as the senior..by my actions and effort..just as long as they're proud to tell everyone that they're in RJC squash n would say hi n chat with me in the canteen and would encourage their classmates to participate in the squash clinic tells me a lot..i'm contented with that..no one is perfect la pls..like duh..n why i'm not good? cos i'm not assertive enough..

i think it's good to reflect..on your weaknesses and strengths..i gotta write it down here..cos my blog is my diary~! n after reflection..do something positive about the negative stuff.. in this way will we improve to become a better person~! (is my use of english correct in the last line after .. ?)hmm

ok back to last min revision for chem test tml~!! so excited to see how tough the paper will be..good luck pple!!

despite much work to be done today..i've chosen to blog today!! after a century without touching my computer. partly inspired by michelle i think heh. i love girltalks on the way to red house bus stop with michelle..

Jessica's Confessions 2004

i confess i'm not qualified for math s or chem s because i cannot do even 30 percent of the questions and i am not a good thinker and not creative and powerless (dr chan - knowledge is power)

i confess i'm not going to practise piano today becuase i'm chosen blogging over yu piano

i confess i'm too soft n kind to control my team mates but i confess i dun want to be strict on them. i want them to listen to me because they respect me.

i confess i'm always late..n sometimes i do not put in effort to be early. i know i'm lazy.

i confess i care A lot about my work..i ensure i'm on time for tutorials..or at least for this J2 year..i do try

yes i confess i'm a mugger..but i do balance having fun and studies

i confess i'm a big contradiction..i say one thing..i do another

i confess i'm not a good role model or captain..i'm definately not perfect.

i also confess i expect more from others than myself. i want perfection..however i'm the greatest imperfection..sometimes i expect much from others and from myself..sometimes i make myself exhausted.

to my classmates..girlfrens..and fellow people..i confess sometimes i do not greet you good morning when i see you..i confess sometimes i'd be doing my work instead of chatting with you..

but i confess i do care about you and wish i could spend more time with you..to know how you're doing..to know that you're fine

i confess i miss the pw days..i miss the hang-outs at yj's place..the piggy-ing out in the basement while trying to do the 2000-word written report

i confess.. i confess.. i confess i do not want to study so much..i'm tired..really tired..

finally..i confess i'm not a good girlfren..

i confess sometimes i do not think of yu from 6.15 am to 4pm..i do not check my handphone till i end school..

i confess sometimes i miss yu so much i can't wait to see you again..even if it's for half an hour..even if i have to go to yew tee mrt late at night..

i confess i'm never on time when we go out on weekends..

i confess sometimes i'd rather stay home to finish my pile of work and not meet you on saturday

i confess i make yu wait a lot..n i expect a lot from yu..

but i confess i have a great guy who understands and tolerate me..who did so much for me..who..make me speechless and smile everytime i see him

i confess when i say i'd go over to "do work", i plan to devote my time to you and not my work

i confess i do try really hard to balance my time spent on you and my school work

i confess sometimes i do really need more time with my work..
but
i confess.. i could spend the rest of my life with you..

really busy recently..not busy TRYING to finish my never-ending tutorials but busy finding time to sleep. what a life..i don't know..i just seem to get tired very easily..like after one hour trying to figure out a math s question..

I just visited betty's blog and had a good read.
"Among the men there would be grumbling of course, and maybe worse, because their days would seem longer and their loads heavier, but Lientenant Jimmy Cross reminded himself that his obligation is not to be loved but to lead. Yet the men knew, for they knew he cared to dispense with love and impose strict discipline simply because he loved them too much to lose them to the evils of war again. The men understood. " - extracted from betty's. just another girl who writes well..this was from one of her war books. Her entry made me think of how i've fared as a leader. To lead with empathy, not to succumb and never to give up.. hah i definitely have empathy..of cos i wun be happy when pple tell me they do not want to train cos of their work load..eg. saleem..but i never force or scold..i don't think i have the power to dictate. I'm glad everyone still comes down for training faithfully..guess they understood my difficulties..n of cos should realise the need to train. i'm just worried abt the j1 guys who complains abt coach haha..but i know they're hardworking. i have a great team this year..j1s and j2s have a better relationship and we're super on! haha now it's up to me to find the perfect team attire..hmm..

school life is monotonous..another tutorial? of couse we see it coming..i'm just glad i'm taking everything rather easily now..just as long as i'm not behind my work..(excluding S haha) to everyone..do take time to relax and do what yu like despite the pile of undone tutorials..i know many pple may say haha jess look who's talking..guess i'm the only one now who goes out every saturday to spend time with my boyfriend..not only saturday..some weekday evenings are included too..saleem said i'm crazy..only i can afford the time..nope..i'm behind my friends for tutorials..but..sigh sometimes i ask myself if i'm doing the right thing too..going out so much more often than my friends..but i think spending time with him is another of my commitment..like my commitment to piano..n to my school work. i guess i feel good when i can balance and cope with everything.. i thank god for my smooth-sailing life now.. let's not think too far into the future..enjoy life as it is now..

ok..back to math s tutorial..still at tutorial 2..haha tse yang i need your help!!!! sheesh..i really dun think i'm qualified for s paper..