Happy Birthday Michelle~!!!
 
to my sweetest, zaiest, luckiest, most sensible and fierce and caring wonderful girlfren..happy sweet 18th birthday~!!! man yu guys are maturing so so fast n i'll too be 18 soon!!! ahhh i carn wait..cos it also means the end of As is near..haha hope we made the night a memorable one for michelle..thanks to all the girls who dressed up so so prettily n had dinner together and took so damn many photos..n michelle is simply so happy with her presents la..i'm sure jega will be pleased about that too haha cos we help doll michelle up!! aniwae i really had a great time..n was just shagged at night..we dozed off quite quickly at about 2 at mich's place..jamie was really lame n trying too hard to get attention la!! i was like so so tired n couldnt even open my eyes n jamie's still laughing away like a witch n making so much noise!!! haha met tian in the afternoon for roti prata after i left mich's. n the roti prata near mich's house rocks la!! if i were here i'll have roti prata every saturday morning or sth..heh i love him so much..he always makes me so happy..though i was very tired.
Goodbye to ness..study hard n enjoy yourself..wish us luck ok..n to huiping n baoxin and betty whom i'll not be meeting often anymore..just a few more weeks to prelims..relax..n do consistent revision n we'll all be fine..good luck..all the best!

think this is gonna be the last time i'll actually go out like that..like a proper girls' night out..now is time to tone down n start studying..i'm so happy~

hi..just visited all my girlfriends' blog and realise i'm the lousiest among them. Huiping, vanessa, baoxin, baorong..no one complains like i do. They reflect on their lifes and they find means to achieve happiness. What the hell am i doing then? why is baoxin and huiping scared that people would judge them from their blogs? when i was reading the blogs i knew that those are my good friends. Baoxin is not crazy and heck-care all the time. Some part of her does care a lot..and that part is not so crazy n wild. Huiping's blog perhaps really allowed me to learn a lot about my old friend, a friend whom i did not really understand very well, and now a friend who is so mature and understanding and religious. really a great change for one and a half years.
All of us are changing. Maturing, looking older and more tired (maybe except for jamie) haha and it's so clear, although all of us are happily laughing at the silly things baoxin and ness told us, that there's a hidden side of us, where we all face our troubles and stress, and where we all learn the hard way of life. And often, almost never, do we reveal that side of ours. Only on blogs do yu see the other sides of people.
 
oh well, one day i should consult huiping about religion. Perhaps that will help me see life in another light. i'm like Robert Langdon in Angels and Demons.. i want to believe in god. meaning i don't. very hard la huh..many reasons. hmm.
Was very troubled when i left school. Same old issues haunting me again. This has been the hardest month for me. Really unexpected things happen to me. There are good times and bad times of cause. I don't know why only the bad things continue to linger in my head.
Haha, today i felt extreme stupidity. Lost. N i ask myself what did i do wrong, what did others do that i did not. but nvm, i've gotten over it now and i shall get on with life. although i haven't found an answer.
 
it's funny how baoxin talks about her high-flying friends..n ness is so correct about taking things with a pinch of salt and quit looking for flaws in all the wrong places. haha when girls come together that's what happens..advice time. n ness always has the best advice. imperfection is sexy. One can only feel as pretty as one can be. Ness should pen a book of advices. i'll buy it haha. ok later i shall go to the mirror and i would see a very pretty girl smiling back at me. hmm then if i'm already pretty what's the use of plucking my eyebrows, treating my pimples? haha then i'll start to look bad. shit i have no idea what i'm talking about.
 
today i told myself i look good. i'm not putting on weight. and i have superb grades.

hey passerby..i'm very confident yu know!! so many things happened this week n i'm still smiling in sch..wow..still psyched up to celebrate yj's birthday for him today..took pictures and then there was the squash photo taking session after that..which was very fun n nice cos the team haven't met up for ages..just that there's a bit of problem cos there were no teachers nor trophies nor flag!! terrible but nvm..

n i got 50/100 for physics..haha perhaps charlie chan would laugh at this n think i better start paying him again..mich once told me some pple are jealous of me cos i'm doing rather well..i told her what crap..haha from now onwards no one will say "jess sure do well wad"..always hated it when pple say that..cos when you're in rj it's very easy to distinguish who's capable of that n who's not..who's smart n who's not..n i hate it when pple assume oh jess will sure do well..50..haha what a joke..really thought i know my stuff..why am i blinded..what should i do..but passerby..i'm so optimistic ok..i'm bucking up n confident n decided not to resume tuition..although pple n my mum would encourage me to..i dun want to think that i'm stupid..if my friends can get a b without tuition i dun believe i cannot..i wonder if this confidence is helping me..

i've stopped watching my regular tv shows like oc, amazing race, simple life and extreme makeover. decided to commit more time to studies since i'm doing like shit and also that i sleep earlier than everyone else..haha but i'll never give up FRIENDS..that show really rocks man..it's like yu're totally in love with them cos they're so farney n good!! i'm hooked on..just sad that i din appreciate them earlier..

sarah's "hardworkingness" and commitment amazes me cos i'm forever too lazy to work out or run..n she's started revision..i should perhaps start too..hmm..

last thing..i gotta thank mich xin yee baorong sarah pam and all the girls in my class..thanks for being there for me..encouraging me when i'm feeling the lousiest ever..with smarties n tissue paper n advices..haiz i hope i can do it..i hope i really can improve for prelims..i've no more chances..no more time..i don't even dare to think about getting into nus med now..n not gonna think about s papers..i'm not fit in the first place..

tml the girls are having dinner together!!!! haha so cool!! we'll meet eveyrone again!! i miss everyone so so much..wonder how everyone's doing..how ness looks..haha n i have no clothes to wear!! crap

oh oh..did i tell yu how wonderful my boyfriend is..haha ok i'll always want to have some ice cream when i'm feeling very sad..wanted to go swensens to have ice cream but couldn't afford to spend money cos i'm saving up for his birthday present..well he gave me a surprise at my place with ice cream!! never even tell me he's coming!! so terrible but i was really touched..n he made me so so happy..although he's so worried about my studies he's gonna trust me to do well n not force me to take tuition though he highly encourages..haiz

ok stop thinking n be confident!!! to all my pretty girlfriends..take this advice from this kind passerby n just have confidence!! if yu're putting on weight tell yourself yu're sexy!! if yu're feeling lousy n insecure about studies..hmm..that i don't have a good advice..haha if yu're thinking about some other pple n it's bothering yu..ask yourself if it's really worth it to be distracted by that n is that person worth your energy and time..

i'm smiling =) ok actually i'm not. good luck to hauwan and pam and huifang for their respective competitions..soon pam will be liberated of her duties!! n good luck to yingheng for his piano exam next thursday!!! haha soon it's my turn..bye!!

If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall.
As soon as he marries her
Then she starts to do
The things that will break his heart.
But if you make an ugly woman your wife,
You'll be happy for the rest of your life,
An ugly woman cooks her meals on time,
She'll always give you peace of mind.

Don't let your friends say
You have no taste,
Go ahead and marry anyway,
Though her face is ugly,
Her eyes don't match,
Take it from me she's a better catch.

i love this song!!! sarah this is the lyrics~!!! thanks to jamie's blog haha sarah n i used to hum this song when we were rather stressed out somewhere in term 2 haha..i want the title!! need this song to be happy now.
haha jamie thinks this is true..hey jamie i think i'm pretty..yu're pretty too..mich n sarah too..so guys shouldn't go for us is it? haha..cos..yu'll make the guy go broke n he'll be traumatised by yu..i'll be petty n sensitive n make the guy go crazy..mich..erm..to sweet until the guy suffer from diabetes..sarah..haha run too much n the guy cannot catch up..

am i happy now?

mich n jamie i wanna talk to yu guys so badly tonight cos jess's in one of her unhappy moods again but jamie's busy mugging now to get her As n mich with jega..i'm pathetic.must ask tian to tell yu what a difficult girlfriend i am. argh i dun want to think about anything anymore. wad's the use of getting upset. doesn't change anything. all these has happened before. the next day one will be having so much fun n forget everything. then it'll happen again. he's sleeping already. i carn sleep.

i will not watch with my classmates when i know he really likes the show cos i want to be the one watching with him whether or not i like it. of cos i can choose not to watch with him cos he will have his friends asking him out. yea. simple.

mich i'm a stupid girl who always lets small things bother me. maybe that's why my results are dropping. haha i'm talking crap.
i want him to be happy. i was pretending so well earlier tonight!! i'm an ass man.ok next time i'll learn my lesson n just keep quiet n smile.sheesh no point regretting. tse yang said never regret. have i told yu want i'm getting for his birthday? bet yu all will think i'm just saying unseriously again..i must have determination ok..i think i will really get it. he needs it n i know he'll be happy.
oh i'm actually helping my mum give tuition for two hrs every weekend now to get more money to survive through this month. haha good ah if not i'll come borrowing from yu ah jamie haha

sigh mich i told yu yu're damn lucky so many times..but i'm very lucky too yu know. sometimes he really make me feel like i'm the luckiest and happiest princess in the world..do yu know i always smile when i see him? it's impossible to get angry with him..

i brought my unhappiness upon myself. --english seems broken here.

lalalallalallalalalala he's fast asleep..n tml he'll be so happy.

jessica is back to happy mood~! finally had canteen food today after a rather long time..yong tau fu was good n brought me back to sch life..when my class girls will queue together n chit chat in front of the stall..heh aniwae it's da vinci's code that's keeping me occupied now..other than school work and tian of cos..yes i know the whole world is reading the book..but i tell yu that's a reason why many pple are crazy over this book..it's simply superb n intriguing n fascinating n totally smart! yu'll never want to put down the book..n like me yu'll begin to worship dan brown. yeap a name yu should never forget..he's a very good writer indeed..my limited vocabulary is not fit to describe how good he and his books are..yeap i dun read as much as other pple..perhaps 1 book in 4 months or sth..but now i'll be back to the reading mood n pursue dan brown's books..heh

well not that i dun like to read last time..just that there's really so many other things waiting for me to read them..like my chem notes..campbell..biotech books..there're endless things to read..so how do i make a choice? oh well nvm..i've found my new love..mystery books..dan brown..haha n thanks to tian n the newspaper who encouraged me to buy my first book by him..i'm addicted!!

anywae sch's been fine..pacing well..i'm still taking my time to do tutorials..really wonder what this "short n hectic" term will bring..

i thank god for a girlfriend like michelle. nothing about me can escape from her n she'll always be there to encourage me n scold me when i give up on sth or when i think lousy about myself..thank you so so very much. i wish we'll study all the way together till we're all grown up n venture into society..that'll be so cool..haha i'm so selfish..

just visited baorong's blog..n realised how i can relate to her feelings..

i've never felt this way for a long time..the feeling that you're going down down down..n not knowing what to do with yourself but to just continue to encourage n motivate yourself..ever since last year i told myself i'm not stupid..i told myself that i have a lot of hope to do well n achieve a lot in life..told myself to forget about o levels n that it wasn't a fair judgement of one's abilities. i don't want to think that i'm wrong.

but yet..i don't know what's happening to me.
tired
sad
lonely
struggling to be optimistic.
i don't want history to repeat itself.

haha no one will know how i feel. perhaps i have to fail once to know that i gotta work harder. tian will tell me to stop sleeping.
baorong's so lucky she has uncle lesster n bx to be with her n guide her..
me? i need to do something

once again..i lost my meaning in life.