haha yea i love the little girl too..n white and blue makes everything cheerful and beautiful~! but i think ness's blog is damn nice!! she's always so stylish la..are you home??
aniwae my blog is still quite screwed up..chinese words on the sides and i dun like the links up there..haha sister too lazy to do for me already n i have no idea how to fix it..haha aniwae i love to mug so let's so mug now!! just got home by the way..from endless slacking with tian..i'm terrible..

mango sale starts tml n yes i'm visiting the stores before going to study..wad's up!!!

yj..it's ok..let him think whatever he wants about me. i know i would sound like that. perhaps yu all really shouldn't read my blog animore..other pple would want to tell their blogs about really happy stuff..n i do that too when i have the time and when i feel really happy..but sometimes some pple face more troubles in life than others and i choose to tell my blog and not tell my frens cos i know they have their own problems too and i don't wish to trouble them with mine. so please don't read my blog if yu really dun like what yu read. anyway my life has been much better now..heh dunno why..went for david's bday party last night..hang out with the squashers mainly..vanilla vodka smells damn good n i feel a little of it is ok with punch..very unique taste..very cool..n i love the bottle..haha white n colour..aniwae hope david likes the present..definitely useful for him. n my mugging is coming slowly and steadily..still fall asleep after every hour of biotechnology..seriously!! was mugging medical biotech yesterday n i fell asleep 3 times in the afternoon..meaning..din accomplish much.
but nvm..something that keeps me really happy..to know that pam is going on fine with her competitions and mugging..sarah is happy and fine too..n met celene yesterday happy with alwyn (did i spell it correctly?) aniwae i'm really happy for celene..can see a lot of love between them n i know they're gonna last =) n thanks to tian to help me take a break from my work..n haha yu wun believe it but this song by Jamelia - superstar is really keeping me very happy everytime i hear it on tv n on my com..heh such a nice cheery song..n i'll just keep playing it over n over again..heh

it still feels weird tt pple whom yu dunno reads about your life.yu all actually understand what i say? hmm nvm..it's like how i blog surf i guess..but i haven done that for a long time..now back to 3D trigo!!

I don't know what it is..that makes me feel like this..i don't know who you are..but you must be some kind of superstar..cos you've got all eyes on you no matter where you are..
..sheesh it's damn nice..

Maybe only baorong n i watch the 9 o'clock show..man at forty..but i think it's a very inspiring show..taught me to learn to accept failures and stand up once again. it's all part of life and after falling once..we should learn from it..never repeat our mistakes and be a better person. It's 1 am now..not usual of me to be awake..i was using photostudio to do a poster for the camp and i actually caused my computer to hang 3 times and gotta close the program 3 times..made my sis laughed at how the com dislikes me. But i think i've done it now! having the words and pictures all in place. but that's not all..i wonder when will i finally get it done..n printed..sheesh i hope i dun sacrifice my mugging time since now's the time to really buck up..after the camp. however i still have to send letters and documents abt cip hours for volunteers..i wonder when it'll end..

i am so so thankful to everyone who cares about me..thank you dawn..n florrine n betty..so so much..it's since sec 4 or sth since we were classmates or good friends n now that we hardly talk or see each other yu all still cared n encouraged me..now i feel guilty n ashamed. i will continue practising hard, listen to the exam pieces more often..n try to pull up my scales and oral parts..hope it'll help..few more months left..though i dun really believe when my teacher said i still have hope..maybe i really do..nvm..just keep working..god will be fair n allow me to get what i deserve..
thanks sarah n baoxin..who never stop believing in me..why why why..ok this stress is healthy..to be a doctor yu must love stress rite sarah? ok..

today was the end of the cip camp..so pple how was it? maybe half of the children din enjoy themselves..cos they din wanna join in the games..cos the goats were smelly..cos i din allow them to run around n i wanted maximum order at all times..volunteers? was it fine? was it the most disorganised and screwed up cip camp yu've ever attended? i'm sorry for raising my voices..for making yu guys tag along the children strictly at all times..a lot of pple are expecting me to bring the children back home safe..i'm sorry i was naggy and bossy n loud. i'm sorry. n i admit..the games part wasn't properly planned hence the chaos..i assumed it will be easy and fun..i overlooked many problems..i didn't think through it carefully..

sorry if it was boring..sorry i tired yu guys out..but i promise..ever since april or may i've been trying my best..n giving up my studies just to get this cip camp done and give yu guys your cip hours..i dunno how screwed my common tests will be. last year i gave up the camp for my promos..now's my punishment. after the two tiring days..hope everyone gets enough rest n mug hard..i dunno what the canoeists and boon lay pple n first aid pple think of me now..the squashers know very well what kind of person i am..i'm sorry if i made yu hate me..sorry if i left a bad impression..just hope yu'll see the better side of me one day.

i think this is my stupid weakness. why regret so much n say a whole load of stupid sorries after everything is done? i should have made everything perfect and planned everything properly before the event. i just wanna let everyone know that i've really tried. call me a loser if yu want. But to make myself happier, i shall only think about the smiles on the children's and volunteers' faces. i hope it was a good learning experience for everyone..if not this camp has failed .

the older i get, the easier i start to cry. i just practised piano for an hour. i bet no others' piano practises are as torturous and tormenting and tiring as mine..i always feel so miserable after practising piano..cos it's painful hearing "broken" music, n i always try so hard to make my fingers move faster and be more agile but they just wouldn't do me a favour. sometimes i ask myself why i'm doing this..after failing grade 7 twice..i still continue trying for grade 8 now n listening to myself now..i really wonder if i have hope..i always try to believe, like how i believe in making the camp successful n hope that somehow if i do something about it everything is possible..but in the case of my piano playing..i was really too slack in early years..never practise everyday like other pple do..never take piano seriously..n made my mum pay so much money to the piano teacher but in the end this is the result..i really dunno what to do..sarah..do yu mind asking god if i'm made for playing piano? my fingers are short and consitpated and weak and slow-moving..i'll play the same phrase over and over again but it seems to get worse and worse..n i'll just force myself to keep playing until i get angry with myself n start crying. it's a few months away from the exam..and tian dun think i'm playing music..my sis says i'm ok..i think there's hell lot of room for improvement..

after this year..everything would be over..
then my next phrase of life would begin..where new problems will haunt me all over again..i wonder what they'll be..

i need a break from my problems..

i know why i can connect with sarah now..haha this may sound a little ego cos sarah's a much better person than me..but nvm..
firstly..we love mango!! haha ok same taste for clothes..i love her mini skirt which she wore for the class dinner..from mango i'm quite sure..heh
next is..we are girls who need to know where we are heading in life..like..why am i studying now..all this torture for wad..hah if i din have an aim in mind i'd have gave up long ago i think..it's definitely not crazy thinking about the future..i've even thot of what car i want to drive..what kind of house i want to live in..and what kind of life i want in the future..job and family..n seriously i dun want to be anybody big..i just want a steady job as a doctor (heh friends wuld know what i want to be), in my small clinic yet popular among patients from everywhere..have a good reputation as a good doctor and learn enough to live a middle class life..that'll be richer than now haha

yeap that's my motivation in life..need to study to be what i want to be..feed myself n children n live a good life. i want to be able to bring my family overseas every year n visit all countries..i don't want my children to be a tortoise like me..never moved out of my shell..forever stuck in this region..(right baorong? only yu know how i feel..)

anywae why i want to be a doctor..i wonder if sarah is aspired to be a doctor after her job attachment at AH. what i can only say about my experience is DAMN COOL. simply that. i'm just so amazed and fascinated and also disgusted too with what i saw and learnt. overcoming sights during surgeries have become a challenge to me (esp plastic surgeries)n even standing for 4-5 hrs throughout a surgery is challenging to me haha. n in medicine, yu'll always learn sth new that'll make you go wow..it's really cool! i wanna learn so much..to cut up bellies..to insert stuff into the body..e next thing i want to do after As, is to go for job attachmebnt at a public hospital!! maybe i shall drag sarah along with me haha

aniwae sometimes i feel that i've found myself in some parts of sarah..the way she views life and her experiences. sarah is one whom i strive to be..mature, sensitive, loyal, strong, beautiful.

yea..i should be happy doing the cip camp..i am..but now that things are not going the way i want them to be..i'm very stressed and worried..and that makes me unhappy..
many people are depending on me for the cip hours..many people are expecting the camp to take place..what am i gonna tell them if i can get the 2nd day approved..how am i gonna take this failure..
sigh..just a small little thing n i'm like that..but i take this as a challenge to myself n yu know after yu've put in so much effort since last year..it's damn sad if things are not fine..

aniwae i realise i cannot finish studying for common tests..ought to be ashamed of myself..thinking that pple like hau wan who has trainings 3 times a week and camps will do better than me for the tests..my problem is that my concerntration span is very short n soon i'll be lying on my bed reading my notes..n then i'll find an excuse to sleep..for 3 days i've been sleeping 4 times a day..everyday i only manage to revise 2 topics and that's just reading notes n tutorials..it's really very inefficient and i'm not going to make it. looked through how many topics there are for all four subjects n i puked blood..then i fainted..then i'll decompose to death.

everything's no good..i cannot sleep and wakes up at 6 in the morning thinking about the cip camp..then i'll struggle to sleep till 9 am when i'll finally force myself out of bed and start doing necessary camp stuff..do my everyday callings..checking of mails..n i can only set my mnd down to do revision at 1 noon after lunch. this sucks k..i want my mugging life back..i want my sleep..please let everythign run smoothly n make everything happen. let everything be over after tuesday..let me be happier and let baorong have less faxing to do for me and let me sleep in peace!!! arggghhhh am i too ambitious to do this project? i really dun think so n i believe it can be done with i've the support of teachers. sigh. nothing is impossible ok. i will not give up. humph!

gotta say sorry to baorong ten thousand times..sorry i gotta trouble yu every morning with faxing..yea now yu know how my day goes..haha soon it'll be over..i hope it's successful..god please help me. ty i'm sorry i ignore yu on msn but that's cos i'm doing cip stuff..dui4 bu4 qi3

i want to study!!!

listening to the piano examination pieces now..crazy crazy..i can never play like them..i'm so gonna fail..what is this man..dun even know why i'm actually going for the examination..arghhhh..

anywae thanks baorong for helping me with the buses..betty n belle n xin yee are off to mt ophir..i wanna go too!!! sighh..n sarah must be enjoying herself very much jobshadowing..i miss my jobshadowing days very much..gonna visit them at gleneagles tml..with cakes..haha n pam away at some beautiful resort beach..lucky woman!! her very nice family arranged it for her..finally she's got her well-deserved break..but hope she'll study enough n be prepared for common test..i hope she does well..

ok..since everyone's enjoying their holiday..i shall try to enjoy mine too..with harry potter n tian and my bed..shouldnt be a problem..happy holidays pple~! i miss everyone..god bless all my friends..let jamie be happy..let tian never be sick again (cos i was so worried n could only look at him sufferning but carn do anything to make him feel better)..n may all couples live happily ever after~~!

i want that pair of guess jeans//i want my camp to come true//

hey sarah!!! how are yu?? miss yu girls so so much..still running often and mugging with progress? i'm so out of shape n unfit now k..n is pam doing fine too? settled down to mug? i read your beautiful blog again..if i'm a guy..i'll fall for yu easily after reading your blog..so profoundly beautiful..now i wanna read that book..

tian and i are having withdrawal symptoms after that short holiday..the past few days were our dreams come true..gotten more trust from his n my parents..i interacted more with his brother..i've learnt more abt his silly habits and saw how he got worried for me and cared for me in many small little ways..he makes me feel so loved and fortunate..

i want my life to remain as it is..happily with him..

i'm back~!! back from a great short and sweet holiday with tian and family and friends at Malaysia, truely asia.haha i missed everyone so so much..tml going back to sch to meet my dearest classmates for math lesson..n gotta get back to cip stuff..i'm damn sad..holiday with tian really rocks n i dun wan to start studying again..after my As i'll make sure he brings me on a plane..=)

4 short days..basically shopping and slacking in the hotel room..n eating eating eating like a pig..it's really terrible..i've never ate this much before but it's good food..oh well..no need to pay for them summore..haha e only thing i worry there is abt how i spend my money..n as usual i din buy many things..haha most of the time buying things for other pple..tian bought quite a few shirts to prepare for uni next year..haha hope i get to do that too after As..must stock up a lot of casual clothes so that i can change a different top everyday for at least 3 weeks..haha.

just unpacked my stuff..tian must be at home having a great time chacking out his ps 2 games..i really dun understand why guys love playing those shooting n finding treasure n killing bad guys kind of games..all the same kind too..dun they get bored? haha nvm tian's a clown..yea we've been calling each other clown the whole time in malaysia..he started it..n also he kept beating me at connect four..sheesh i miss him..i miss holiday..veyr veyr sad we din get to take pictures cos my camera has insufficient memory space..arghhh

wonder how's everyone doing..maybe all half prepared for common tests already..hope jamie's sats was better than the previous time if not the money wasted again..

i'm shagged..shall go take a nap n when i wake up..life's back to normal..old times..