Innerpeace

Firstly I guess i gotta congratulate all my friends n other zai pple who did well for the As..congrats..be happy and have a great time celebrating. michelle..baorong..yingheng..david..saleem..a lot of my classmates..all those Ds and Ms..good job..I always admired and hated smart pple at the same time haha

Then who those who did not do as well..like what sarah said..maybe this is god's plan..though he did not want to open the doors which you want him to, we simply got to learn to accept the fact and at the same time understand our limitations (i added this myself..)..and also know that life goes on..big deal it's not a perfect score..big deal it's below expectations..we gotta live with what we have..if we can't do this course..we'll consider another. if you know you're not good enough..you've gotta work harder for what you want in life. yea it's simple..but hard to accept.

don't know why i'm feeling so down to earth now..i did fine..below expectations but good enough.Surprisingly I broke my record for GP and made my GP tutor, tian and myself so relieved. i'm just feeling numb. before this I told myself n my friends not to expect anything cos life's simply full of miracles n shit. God might simply decide to play a joke on you n make you suffer this time round. But knowing me who's so demanding of cos i was not contented at the beginning..then I became relieved..now i'm nothing. Not feeling happy. Not feeling sad. No feelings to be exact. It has become another day, another small part of my life which I have to live past n surprisingly I let it pass easily. Maybe it's cos I did not do very badly. N maybe it's cos I did below my hopes hence i'm not shocked and plesantly surprised and over the moon. But in this way it's good i guess. Cos now it becomes a sheet of paper. This results..yes it'll help me..but I don't care about it anymore..I don't even want to think about it. I agree with God that this is what I deserve to get. that's all. full stop. accept it and be contented. Am I becoming a very simple girl? where's my greediness and perfection and jealousy which I once own?
Does this show that i'm maturing? Maybe not.

Haiya why did I take S papers..Thinking back..I got to know some of the top students in school and lessons have been enriching, blur..and interesting..but I don't think it helped in my normal subjects (which I had hoped it did..) I admit I did not put in much effort and did last minute revision (which is simply looking through photocopied friends' answers and trying to do as many questions as i can the day before prelims and As..) sigh sigh sigh..So I did not deserve any Ms. Convinced. Oh another major factor is that I'm not smart. Agreed too. I wonder if genetic engineering will help pple like me in the far future. But then S papers will no longer exist cos everyone will be geniuses. Hmm.
It's the experience that counts.

Another day has past. Made some pple really happy..Tormented others..Tomorrow will be a new day..when pple get back to live their normal lifes..shopping..reading..working blah blah on a saturday morning..n these results will be forgotten. Or will they?

I hope so. I do not wish to talk about results anymore. Singapore sucks because good results are treated like gold. Give pple false hopes..Make pple so mugger and narrow-minded. hai I hope betty and Ness have a better uni life in australia. I hope university is not like that.

Anyway gotta thank my darling for being with me today and not scolding me for anything that i might have said (eg. complaints..).

I just chased my mum away cos I don't want to talk about results anymore and I don't see the point of telling her how my friends did. So tired. Stoned. Not happy.

I'm just looking forward to going out with tian tomorrow. that's all. Get on with life.