Innerpeace

I was typing a very nice and long post before I had to open a link and the internet explorer got jammed and had to shut down immediately..not giving me anytime to save my post first or at least copy n paste it somewhere else. Just like that Blogger shut down on me and my blardi post is gone. just like that. It's damn rare that I'm blogging already, sacrificing my mugging time to blog cos I want to write about my first official week of Uni but the blardi computer has to do this to me. What's wrong with you!! Wait till I get my ibook started and ready for use..I'll make sure apple's internet is much more reliable than this stupid internet explorer which has failed me so damn many times and made me waste my effort. argghhhhhh (this is after 45mins talking on the phone with tian)..thank god he made me talk to him though I'm feeling so fustrated and don't feel like saying anything at all. I'm more calm now but during the process of talking to him just now I nearly started crying. Sometimes..no it's most of the time, I don't know why some things happen to me..n pple always say things happen for a reason. So Blogger shut down to stop me from talking about my rather good week at Uni?..or it shut down so that I can talk to tian more..and that we can start the 45min talk on the phone just now during which I told him once again how I feel everyday and at every part of my life. But I always tell him that anyway..I need to tell pple how I'm feeling..haiz nvm. The title of my lost post was "Things are not so bad afterall.."..too bad..it's gone and actually..things have been the same. Engin has been good to me..things are slow and steady and I got to know pple who love me and I'm very happy with them. But there's always this desire to want to do what you really like. I embraced Programming and physics and electrical engin with open arms cos it never hurts to learn new things and knowledge is power. But what I really want to learn is cytology..physiology..I want to wear formal attire for the dean's tea..I want to listen to what the dean has to say to inspire the chosen 200 pple to be responsible and fine doctors..I want to be there to do the pracs in the nice huge prac room with tv all over to accomodate all 200 plus med students..I want to be at the anatomy room looking and studying at the precious and very limited bodies of old people. I cried reading celene's blog..why can't I have a life as happy and perfect as hers. She is practically living my fairytale life. The life which I always thought I would have when the time comes. It didn't..my life's totally unexpected now. I don't know what will happen tml..I don't know if I'll graduate happily from Engin..I don't know if I'm really going to be in Engin for 4 years. I don't know if mugging really really hard now to get a CAP of above 4.5 will really help to get me transferred to Medicine. Sometimes hardwork don't get you to where you want to go. Good results don't help too. I really don't want to be crying now because I have met beautiful people in Engin whom I believe will accompany me through the ups and downs for the next 4 years. Things are like nicely planned for me when I stepped into NUS. A councillor who found me pretty forced me to join orientation week. Placed me in his OG which has really nice and sincere people and tada..one guy happened to be in the same lecture group as me so I have more company in school now. Jordan even went down with me all the way to Lavender to make my IC cos I unfortunately lost it. haiz I shouldn't be sad.


The lost post was a perfectly happy one. I guess I shall come back to it another time cos I think you must be in the mood to blog about the things you want..n i'm definitely not in the mood now. I'm starting to mug but I hope to blog at least once a week.


Once again, I hate you computer..cos I depend so much on you yet you failed me again. That really hurts, and thankfully I'm never hurt by my loved ones or else I don't know how i'll feel. Just now when my post got deleted I felt so damn terrible..like the sky has fallen or sth. So silly I know..I don't know what's wrong with me too.


I had a very happy day by the way..all thanks to Tian, Jordan, Mich, Tien Hui, Xiujuan..and all whom I met today. I can survive and find happiness everywhere I go. Making friends is not a problem..and being hardworking to study subjects which I have little interest in is not a problem too. Thankfully I have a few fellow RJ girls like Chun Hui in Engin whom I can turn to for help. The more I should be happy..


Just sleep.