Innerpeace

I'm a greedy girl who always wants the best - or rather the better..and i whine and complain so much i put myself off..i wonder how any other pple i've irritated.

When the tsunami struck, i read the papers everyday and also the Time magazine. I feel sympathatic for them..i realised how unpredictable and cruel fate is..i wonder how exactly are the pple feeling right now..i wanna go over to help..and i realise if i ever lose any of my loved ones, I don't think i can find the strength to live anymore.
However the next minute, I revert back to the selfish me and complain about having nothing to do at work..i blame myself for not going for the interview..here and there..i wonder how selfish i sounded to betty on the phone..tian, betty and mich have told me so so many times..i'm lucky and i have to learn to be contented..I hope i've learnt it now..

When i have nothing to do at work i complain. Now that things are catching up and work is pouring in I complained that I'm so sleepy at work and that I can't wait for work to end. Yet though work is boring at times, my work allows me to interact with many gynaes who are such nice pple. I learnt to liase with hotels to hold functions and my superior told be to bargin with them and assert your customer power but hmm i'm still hum about it. I type sophisticated letters to doctors and overseas societies..i gotta give in to doctors' moods and tight schedules..what's most fun is when a doctor is in a bad mood and wants a report to be rushed out on the day my superior will become damn stressed and we have to rush rush rush..haha that's so exciting and i've to talk to her to calm her down..then she'll realise my face is red cos i'm flustered (I never knew i could turn red till that day when she pointed it out to me) and she'll laugh at me. I like the adrenaline rush though..and i wanna be a doctor who would have to rush from one OT to another whenever my pager beeps!! yeap that's the kind of life i want!!

I hope work will get busier for the next few months to come and i foresee it will. And i'm learning not to complain so much anymore and to be more mature. Also i have to congratulate belle and christine for getting such a challenging and cool job with the doc from NUS!! great pay..good working hours..getting so close to your role model..what more could you ask for..yay!! and yes betty i'm satisfied with my job. Guess I would say it's fufilling when I get to help my superior lessen her work load, get things done properly and when my superiors are satisfied that things are running smoothly for the Society.

And of course I'm lucky to have a great boyfriend whom i can't wait to marry haha.This is bad..my superior and this doc talked to me too much about adult life..getting married, work, children, and more work..told me when to get married..and that i must have at least one child even though my job may not be established yet cos "when you have a baby you'll then know what it is like to be a woman" haha cool huh and she talked as of she knows tian and i are gonna get married!!

enough of that topic..A very nice and friendly gynae Dr Chris Chong came to the office few days ago to speak to my superior. Of cos he seemed to like me and asked me about my plans for the future. He told me to reconsider my choice of medicine, especially when i wanna be a specialist..and a gynae!! If I were a guy he would said go ahead. This is so sexist and i can't stand it..yet i can't run away from the fact that while men can be good doctors, women have an additional responsibility of nurturing the children..(you know..they need the motherly love..) and women need to spend more time with children hence it is not a good choice to be a doctor especially a gynae!!..who'll have irregular working hours and most prob neglect the children. Damn it i want my children to be damn close to me! He told me about how he has female friends who specialise in O&G but are no longer working now due to family commitments! but hey there are female doctors all around!! and they do have children!! I shall find a chance to consult a female gynae someday..Dr Chong even spelt out my future path for me till 30..which is when i may finally be considered a specialist..a consultant..yuck i wonder how old that is..

But still..all this talk doesn't seem to have any effect on my determination to give medicine a try.I've thought about it..and doctors do agree with me..that i won't regret choosing medicine as a career because it is so exciting and rewarding. And at the end of the day, if my children need more attention, I can perhaps open a small clinic with only minimal patients..or sth

shit i sound like some old woman now. pple who are reading this must think i'm crazy or i'm not in their generation haha. I'm a person who thinks long-term and plans throughly before making any major decisions i guess..haha i don't know..sometimes i suspect i'm actually very old beneath this young face..haha yj even called me grandmother! oh well..