Innerpeace

Very Demoralised

A rare occasion that I'm blogging, it's cos I really need to talk to someone now, but there's no one here to talk to. The pre-paid card is way too expensive, be it for phone call or sms, so I can't call up head chef to complain. I'm really very sad. I didn't go for our usual group dinner at Jordan&Cyrus's today because I wanted to use Sunday nights to learn to cook. So today I wanted to try to make the soup thingy that Sonia made for us the last time she fixed us dinner at J&C's. Sonia's J&C's roommate. So anyway, it's a super simple soup with a little pasta, those tiny pasta thingy (Schelpjes). N you just throw in broccoli, baby potatoes, mushrooms, bruschetta, Parmesan cheese, onions and olive oil. Just boil them! That's it! And I can actually screw up such a simple thing. I dumped in way too much Schelpjes and I could do with less baby potatoes and broccoli. I'm so stupid I can't even make a good estimation for 1 serving. Arghhhhhhh I seriously hate myself. Can't even do a simple thing like this, and not as if I'm good in anything else. Just the other day I screwed up an omelette too, in the end I made scrambled eggs. So today I had to throw away half the pot of pasta, I bet I ate less than what I threw away. Can you imagine how sad I am now, and I'm going to be sad the whole night. I really hate to waste food. And I also threw away 2 baby potatoes. Vegetables and baby potatoes are expensive here. That day I let 2 bananas rot too and also had to give up some milk and 1 piece of bread because it was past expiry date. I should just stop buying food for myself and live on bread. Ham, sausage, cheese, bread. In this way I won't waste food. Arghh I wonder how much money I've wasted. And I really want to give up cooking for myself but like that I'll never be able to learn to cook! I really want to be the girlfriend who cooks well, like Sarah. And I shall not even go into baking cos I have not tried before and there's no oven here anyway. Anyway my soup also wasn't as tasty as Sonia's, I don't know why. But most importantly, I'm very sad I kept getting the proportions wrong. I always use too much pasta when I cook for myself, when I use Fusilli and today, Schelpjes. So everytime I cook too much Fusilli, I had to force myself to finish up. But today's Schelpjes was way too much. I forced myself to eat as much as I can (with Tian's voice at the back of my head telling me to stop eating so much), especially the vegetables and potatoes, but there was no way I can finish the 2nd half pot of pasta. Ok conclusion: Use less, cook less. I can always eat bread or fruits if the food is not enough. Omg why didn't I come to my senses earlier. I should have known that! Arrghhhhhhh I'm really so stupid.